The Emails – Closure?

From the bottom up. 

I think I did pretty well, I think I am also reading into his words him trying to keep one foot in my door.  I did not respond further.  Am I reading too much into what he’s saying?  His responses seem exactly like the ones I received when we broke up earlier last year for the first time.  Only then he started with the emails almost immediately.  This time I told him in advance – please do not email me, text me or call me.  So he didn’t, at first.  Then he started emailing about the oney.

I do not intend to respond further.  I think a clean break, and I am being advised by everyone the same thing, is the only way I am going to properly heal.  I told my therapist, I am way too vulnerable right now to keep in contact with him.  I’m lonely and scared and he really has a way of being able to crawl right back inside me.  He sent me a text Wednesday morning on his way to work.  I did not respond.  I’ve been responding back only via email because I want my money back.  I need that money so I can have savings again.  Even that?  It’s been clear in his account for almost a week now…and he could have sent it sooner.  I can’t help but wonder if he was using it as one last hold over me.

I know I need to stop wondering about him.
 

From: cd war
To: Tamara

Sent: Thu, Jan 12, 2012 2:58 pm
Subject: Re: FYI

Thanks Tammy!! Will let Ben know that also!!

On Thu, Jan 12, 2012 at 2:55 PM, Tamara wrote:

Tell him visine takes the redness out of pimples, also toothpaste (regular) left on overnight helps them go away faster.
 
Take care Chris…hope you find what you are looking for and get your head straight. Again, go to therapy. 46-years should have shown you by now you cannot do this on your own. There’s no shame in receiving outside help.
 
Tammy

 

—–Original Message—–
From: cd war
To: Tamara

Sent: Thu, Jan 12, 2012 2:47 pm
Subject: Re: FYI

I need to get my head screwed on straight before I committ myself to anything or anyone!! I want only the best for you, you deserve to be committed to 100 percent and to be happy!!! I know you never asked for that from me!! I will tell Ben that, he is having a bit of a rough time with the face even though it has cleared up alot but that is part of being a teen. Please be safe and if you need anything ever I mean it just ask me, I will always love you and care for you!!

On Thu, Jan 12, 2012 at 2:42 PM, Tamara wrote:

Thank you for answering. Just so we are completely clear, I never, ever asked for or expected 100% from you or of you, but that’s how you feel and I can’t change that…I only asked that you do what you said you were going to do from the onset and divorce your wife.
 
 
I am sincerely glad I could give you whatever it is I did. 🙂
 
 
Okay, so I guess that’s that. I’ll be looking for the check in the next few days.
 
 
Good luck with the move back. I really hope it works out for you this time. Please take care of yourself, and if you can, please tell Ben if he ever needs anything, I will always be there for him no matter what. No worries, I do not communicate with him, Brandon, Carolina or Mike anymore.
 
Always,
Tammy

 

—–Original Message—–
From: cd war
To: Tamara

Sent: Thu, Jan 12, 2012 2:26 pm
Subject: Re: FYI

No I did not stay in touch with anyone, I did’nt fall out of love with you, more of I fell out of love with me loving you because I will never be able to give you the 100 percent you deserve that is not a cop out that is how I feel and look at it if that makes any sense at all….I meant all the things I have said or told you….your a beautiful, wonderful woman,friend and lover….I am not!!! I know you don’t believe me but I am truly sorry, but am not sorry for having the time I shared with you maybe that sounds selfish but you helped me look at things different and appreciate the smaller more meaningful things in life!!

On Thu, Jan 12, 2012 at 2:14 PM, Tamara wrote:

Did you stay in touch with any of your exes besides Carol while we were together?

—–Original Message—–
From: cd war
To: Tamara

Sent: Thu, Jan 12, 2012 2:11 pm
Subject: Re: FYI

Thats great makes it easier for sure when you can use the garage door, and yes you can…not bothering me

On Thu, Jan 12, 2012 at 1:22 PM, Tamara wrote:

Okay, thanks.
 
Yes, Tom just reset the codes so it works from the outside pad and the car controller again.
 
Can I ask just one more thing?

 

—–Original Message—–
From: cd war
To: Tamara

Sent: Thu, Jan 12, 2012 1:19 pm
Subject: Re: FYI

I know that is why i asked will get either one and if i can come drop it off i will if not will get it in the mail either tonight or first thing in the am, I don’t want the furniture so do whatever you want the table was Brandons so keep it if you want and the other crap i had bought so up to you. I bought nail clippers and shit so do whatever with it. Oh did your brother fix the garage door for you? thats good if he did.

On Thu, Jan 12, 2012 at 1:15 PM, Tamara wrote:

 
<div> 
Please don’t take this the wrong way, I’m not saying this in an angry way, I just have to be honest. I really do not want a personal check from your joint account with Carol, Chris. To me that’s like adding insult to injury. I’ll take a bank check or money order. Whichever is easier to do. Are you planning to drop it off or mail it and when? Please let me know so I can plan accordingly.

Also, please let me know what you’d like me to do with the coffee table/foot stool and bureau. You also left a CD (can’t tell which one it is) in the now broken CD player, your nail clippers, an odd sock, small scissors and tweezers? I can leave them in the garage and give you the code for the outside panel if you tell me you want to come get the furniture, I am sure Carol isn’t going to want me to keep her furniture and I don’t want to keep another woman’s furniture in my home either. Bad karma. I can mail the other small things to your house in Peabody. No worries I won’t put my return address on it.

 

—–Original Message—–
From: cd war
To: Tamara

Sent: Thu, Jan 12, 2012 1:05 pm
Subject: Re: FYI

You want a bank check or is one of my regular checks ok? Up to you either way is fine with me

On Thu, Jan 12, 2012 at 12:29 PM, Tamara wrote:

We will see. Sorry about Worcester.

—–Original Message—–
From: cd war
To: Tamara
 

Sent: Thu, Jan 12, 2012 12:28 pm
Subject: Re: FYI

Glad to hear that!! Worcester was crappy as usual lol

On Thu, Jan 12, 2012 at 12:09 PM, Tamara wrote:

It went well actually. His heart and lungs sound okay so we are holding off on x-rays and more tests. I have to keep a log for a week on his coughing. But she thinks it’s because the heat is always on now and the house is really dry. Running the humidifier at night and keeping him in the bedroom seems to work better, for him and me.
 
 
How was Worcester?

 

—–Original Message—–
From: cd war
To: Tamara
Sent: Thu, Jan 12, 2012 8:28 am
Subject: Re: FYI

I was in Worcester yesterday, how did it go with Giz?