*Cloudy Thursday: Smileys & Bullets

• I surely hope my area is going to dodge the April Fools Day Nor’Easter bullet.  I love the snow, don’t get me wrong, I really do, but this year I have had enough.  Maybe I am getting old. 
   
• I had a bad day yesterday, my mood matched my diary name.  Another day of bursting out into tears at work…thankfully most of the guys were out so I didn’t have to deal with that embarrassment. 
   
• I’m having a really hard time lately.  I still can’t quite get over that man shooting himself in front of us at work.  I am having nightmares, flashbacks, I feel like I am in a constant state of anxiety and it all brings up the horrible things in my childhood again.  I reached out yesterday to my doctor’s office and requested a referral to a psychiatrist.  The lot of everything, Brian, Chris, that man, my past, is all piling on top of me and I can’t seem to catch my breath.  I need help this time and I aim to get it.  I called some of the doctor’s they referred me to but some aren’t doing out-patient, or aren’t taking new patients, so I have to call a couple more. 
   
• Chris emails me all day, every day.  Now he’s started calling me "just to hear my voice" and to tell me "I love you".  He texts me first thing when he gets to work like he used to.  I don’t know what to think…all he says is he "needs to get his head straight".  
   
• I made an offer on the house I saw with the contingencies that they removed the tree from the roof and fixed the roof, and dewinterized it.  They accepted my offer but are not going to fix the roof because they consider the damage minimal.  I went back to my realtor and told him, okay, but I want the tree removed and I want to get a roofer in there BEFORE the home inspection.  Waiting to hear back about when that is going to happen.  I’m excited and terrified at the same time.  It’s something I always wanted, my own home.  But at the same time, I am scared because can I really do all the work it needs?  By myself?  
   
• I finish my 1st time homebuyers course tonight and get my certificate for that.  That was a contigency for a mortgage.  I heard almost ALL banks are now requiring first time homebuyers take a course before they will give you a mortgage.  At first I thought it was a pain in the ass but I am really glad I took it.  I learned a lot and learning is good.  I jokenly asked the instructor last week if we get to wear a cap and gown tonight.  She didn’t find me amusing.  I, however, find myself highly amusing…some of the other people in the class do to.   

*edited for this survey…

I can’t get to sleep without: having a fan on and Daisy curled up beside me under the blankets and sheets.

If I were a doll, the accessories packaged with me would be:  Replicas of my 4-legged babies, my purse and some really hot shoes. 

I have an irrational fear of:  being alone.

I am most opposed to: abuse of animals/kids/elderly.

I am too old to be: playing fucking mind games.

I find the thought of childbirth:  scary, always have.

My feet are:  really dry and in need of a pedicure.

My preferred style of jeans is: dark, lower rise and slim.

I know how to cook: most anything.

I am annoyed at:  liars and people who can’t get their heads out from their asses.

Men should always:  be honest.

 
What child-related smell do you not like?  vomit.

What child-related smell do you like?  Baby power.

What sea creature scares you?  jelly fish and sharks!

Name one of the Spice Girls:  Tammy Spice – hush it could happen still.  No?  Okay, fine, Scary Spice.

 
What was the last thing to make you cry? what doesn’t make me cry lately is the real question.

I would like to be in an advertisement for: 101 steps to make yourself happy for life.

What are the stems of wine glasses for?  to hold so you can guzzle the wine to make your head stop endlessly running away with tired thoughts.

Can you use chopsticks?  Nope, but a fork works fine for me.

What’s your favorite card game?  Gin Rummy.

Do you prefer beaches or forests?  Forests since I live across the street from the beach. Forests carry awesome sounds, sights and creatures.

What’s the first song that pops into your head when I say, "What’s the first song that pops into your head?"?  I’ll Stand By You – The Pretenders, it’s endlessly looping through my head this week.

When you wake up in the morning: Throw on some shoes/boots, a coat and grab the dogs for their morning potty break.

Have you ever danced with the devil in the pale moonlight?  seems I was born dancing with the devil in both lights.

Have you ever shop-lifted?  When I was 12 and I got caught and the police were called and I was banned from Ann & Hope. 

Have you ever vandalized anything?  Nope.

What do you wait until no one is looking to do?  Pick my nose.

If I confiscated your computer and took a look around….what would I find?  not much really.

What’s in the trunk of your car? I don’t have a trunk so, nothing.

 
What’s in your wallet?  license, bank card, some other cards, a couple pictures, money.

Have you told the truth in this survey?  I tell the truth in surveys and out.