My Year of Loss

This is difficult to share but being open is not only good therapy but also an excellent way to help someone else. Help others to not feel so alone in the struggle known as life. My year of loss began on Valentines Day 2024, that’s the day when I had a full hysterectomy. I found out few years prior that I had endometriosis which totally explained all the horrible menstrual cramps I had all those years, and all the bloating and pain when I wasn’t on my cycle. Recovery was awful and to be honest all my research I had done hadn’t fully prepared me for the pain and all the things that was to come. Since everything was removed, I was now 33 and experiencing medically induced menopause. Which is interesting because I used to say I wish I had menopause growing up because of all the horrible pain I experienced every month. Now that wish was coming true, and I was not prepared. I also was advised to wait a while to start hormone replacement therapy to make sure any endometriosis left was no longer a threat. While dealing with this few months later was evicted and had to pack up a house and figure out where to go and had to take any place I could afford and at such last minute and because most places wouldn’t allow pets or large pets, I had to sell my dog that I had for a year. I got her as a puppy and didn’t have emotional support papers. I also was struggling with my mental health and still recovering from surgery. The decision was for the best though it hurt so much. I found a really sweet woman to buy her, and she lives not too far and allows me to visit her. So much was going on the day I sold her I started dissociating. Everything was a blur, nothing people were saying was registering. I felt like I was in a dream, and nothing was real. Didn’t recognize myself.

I always been able to push aside anything that was troubling me and tell myself it was no big deal, downplay things to make others around me feel okay. Now my moods are like a storm, I cry for hours or dissociate. I’m drowning in so many feelings and feel alone in all this. I have family and few friends, so I wasn’t actually alone, but no one had experienced this type of surgery before, especially at such a young age. My sisters still forget that I don’t get my monthly cycle anymore. It’s a lot to take in. Its 9 months later and I’m still trying to process everything. I’ve lost a lot, and journaling has been a life saver, also diving into many hobbies for distractions. I’m hoping 2025 will be less traumatic. I’m not looking for sympathy I just want to share, to process and to say that you are stronger than you realize. I can’t believe all the things I’ve gone through this year feels like a fever dream. I survived and I’m still taking each day at a time. I don’t regret getting the surgery, but I would definitely do things differently to feel more prepared. This was my year of loss, but this is only a chapter in my story and life journey. The story isn’t over.