The Meet

 

 

 

♥ Today was interesting, to say the very least. 

I was afraid when my alarm clock woke me this morning. Afraid that he wouldn’t show up again, afraid of what would happen if he did. I sent him a simple smiley face text to test the waters and waited almost a half hour before he responded with 5 smiley faces of his own. I knew then that he would show.

I had arranged to take my dad’s truck instead of my car to meet him. I’m not sure what I was thinking, but it must have had to do with the idea of turning the back into a tent of sorts with the use of a tarp. That, or a make-shift bed should the need arise. It turned out to be a lovely morning, weather wise, and the tent part wasn’t necessary.

We met in our spot in a parking lot behind a strip mall. Usually, he follows me to one of our various other "spots" in his own vehicle, but with the truck, he chose to just hop in and we would go together in one vehicle. I drove to a small roadside park in just outside town and we parked on an unused road surrounded my trees and brush. Just unseen to passers by, but only meters from the busiest highway. I turned off the truck, faced him and we sat in silence for a few moments before he asked me to tell him what I was thinking.

My mind went blank. I don’t know why I can’t talk to people. I can write my thoughts and feelings on a piece of paper or in a journal or diary until I have nothing left to say, but I can’t say it to his face. I can talk to myself in my room and pretend he’s there listening to me, but when he actually is, I freeze. He took my hand in his, looked me in the eye and told me to take a deep breath and let go. I sat in silence for a bit longer, then pulled out my notebook with pages upon pages filled with all the thoughts I’d been having over the past week. I bit the bullet, started reading and tried not to let him hear my voice crack with emotion.

He listened to my every word and I saw a tear in his eye at the end. He pulled out a tissue and wiped it away before speaking.

He told me exactly how he felt about me. How he never expected to meet someone like me and how he felt that I was delivered to him for a reason. He told me about how his marriage was failing and how both he and his wife had checked out long ago. He told me how long they had been married (1 1/2 years), why they got married (she had his kid) and how his biggest concern now was being around for his daughter and step son (his wife’s son from a previous partner).  He told me he wants to confide in me, but he’s afraid because of his past and what other women (yes, there were others before me) have done to try to destroy his life. 

He has a way of talking a lot, but saying nothing. Does that make sense?

Thinking back, I can’t even really remember everything he said. All I know, is that when he was done talking, I felt better. 

We sat for a few minutes more before he confessed that he finds himself thinking about me on a regular basis. He confessed that he longs to talk to me, to touch me, to kiss me. Then he kissed me. We continued to kiss for what seemed like forever, but was only minutes. We gazed into each others eyes for an almost uncomfortable amount of time. We laid blankets in the back of the truck, and he made love to me for 45 minutes.

When we packed our things and jumped back in the truck to leave, we were met with an unexpected twist. The battery was dead and we were stuck. My initial thought was panic- I was in my fathers truck in a place he didn’t think I was going to be with a man he didn’t know existed. I had no one to call to give me a boost. Ed was due to be at work in just over an hour- and he was an hour away. Then I remembered I had CAA, so I called immediately to have someone come and give the battery a jump. The man on the phone told me they would have someone out within 45 minutes.

We got out of the truck and walked toward the highway, hoping to catch someone passing by who would be of some help. Ed stopped a man in a truck to see if he could help, but he refused and drove away. "No one around here is going to stop and give help to a black guy", he said. So, we stood at the side of the highway and waited for CAA. Eventually, Ed realized he would never make it back in time for work, so he called to let them know he would be late. He comforted me because he could see how bothered I was, told me all we could do was laugh at our bad luck, and suggested we play "words with friends" on our phones to pass the time. In a situation where he could have easily been frustrated and upset, he handled himself amazingly well. It was over an hour later when someone finally showed up and rescued us. I drove him back to his car, he kissed me goodbye and sped off to work, bound to be at least 2 hours late.

I know I should feel guilty for being with a married man… but I don’t right now.  

He makes me happier than I’ve been in a long, long time. Is that such a bad thing?