Someday you’ll know…

Dear Diary;

I could watch "A Walk To Remember" every day and not get sick of it. I don’t know why- but it’s just one of those movies that stirs all kinds of deep feelings in me. Maybe because the first time I saw it I was going through a crazy time in my life and I was vulnerable and emotional – or maybe not. Whatever, it doesn’t matter. It’s just one of those movies that makes me feel things and cry and think and whatever. I like it.

All of these people from long ago are contacting me and it’s sureal. I don’t know how to feel about it because these are people who changed my life and made me realize things about myself that I didn’t know… important people, ya know?

I don’t have a good group of friends. Maybe I think about it too much, but when I meet people who have 5 or 6 great friends who all get together a lot and keep in touch and call/text each other every day and party on weekends and live near each other- it makes me really sad that I don’t have that and I envy them. The worst part is- I don’t know how to change my life to get that group of friends.

Erin is moving to Newfoundland, btw. I don’t know if I mentioned it or not. She was thinking about the idea months ago and she mentioned how cool it would be to move out there together and all this crap.. then she suddenly mentioned that she was going to do it in the fall and then it got changed to the spring of 2010 and I’m pretty sure it’s going to be like Calgary all over again where she discusses it with her dad and her dad tells her to move and she doesn’t actually tell me anything is set in place until the last minute and then she says "I’m moving" and that’s the end. This time I expecting it- but it doesn’t make it better. Especially because she’s planning on moving there- and STAYING there for the rest of her life. At least, this is what she tells other people when they ask what her plans are and I happen to overhear. I’m slightly annoyed, a little sad and … I don’t even know what.

What makes a person a good friend- and why don’t I have any? Why don’t people like me for more than a few day or months or whatever amount of we see each other? Does that make sense? I mean- I made friends at camp who will more than likely go back to wherever they are from and never speak to me again… why not- is my question. What makes me a temporary friend and what can I do to change it?

I’m so frustrated.

It is hard sometimes to find a group (or even one or two) friends that you really feel that connection with. I have found several through my church, but most of them I have found through jobs I’ve worked at. There were a lot of staff and I’m a natural, “Hi, how are you? Wanna go grab a soda or something?” kind of gal. I’ve also done a lot of job hopping! Ha! On the one hand, that’s not so great, but on the other hand, I’ve met a lot of people. That’s really the key — meeting people. The more you meet, the more you may find that you hit it off with someone. The other part is being open to all kinds of different people and not wanting to change them, but accepting them for who they are. That’s a bit of a challenge with some folks. Some people require so much time and are pretty needy. I just don’t want to spend my time/energy that way, so I seek out people who are pretty stable and know how to have friends that aren’t real clingy. I’m sorry you’re so frustrated.

Oh, and is A Walk to Remember the movie with Keanu Reeves? I love that movie!!!

I get envious of groups of that many, too… who always get together… I want that. I used to have that, kind of… bah.

By the way, I used to be obsessed with the soundtrack to this movie. So beautiful. I taught myself “Only Hope” because I was so obsessed w/ it.