eharmony matched me with my brother.

Dear Diary;

I really wish that was a joke, but it’s not. With all it’s 29 dimensions of compatibility, it has more flaws than just the price of a subscription.  Telling you your sibling is a perfect match, for example.

*heavy sigh*

Whenever I talk or write about my frustrations with being single and my desire to have a relationship and eventually get married, the first thing people tend to say or write is along the lines of "It’ll happen for you when it’s meant to" or "There’s someone out there for you"  or "you’re young, you have lots of time for that, don’t worry".

What if the truth is- it’s not meant to happen for me. What if there isn’t someone out there for me? Every second of every day is another reminder that I’m getting older and running out of time. I’m 26 years old. It doesn’t seem like it’s that old at all- but it’s old enough to make me worry. What a disturbing thought that is- "what if it’s not meant to happen for me". If that’s the case and I’m doomed to live as a single woman for the rest of my life, I’m not sure I could handle it.1

I sat here the other day and I was looking at a picture of myself that I recently took. It occured to me that although I have my flaws (as does everyone else), I’m really not horrible to look at  and I deserve to be loved as much as everyone else around me. I honestly believe that I would make someone really happy, but so far, no one has given me the chance. 

Also, my ex told me today2 that he would have married me in a heartbeat had I not broken up with him3.

1This is not to say that I NEED to have someone in my life, because I am capable of living single,  but it’s definitely a desire of mine

2 after a lengthy discussion about how I don’t like that he continues to talk to me about sex and whatnot when he’s engaged to another woman.. which led to me asking if he talked to other girls like that when we were together- he denied

3 Clearly for good reason, as he was a douchebag.