Take a Breath and Softly Say Goodbye…

~So this week is the crazy week!!! My brother gets married on Saturday!!! Yikes! so much to do… especially homework wise for me as well as other wedding stuff!!

~I would like to say thank you to my daddy for deciding what necklace I should wear! Usually he doesn’t have an opinion about what we wear but he was the one that decided for me which was amazing! Also need to send a shoutout to my manager Kim for letting me have a half day tomorrow to get some homework done!! I really really do appreciate it!!

~On the other note… I started finally saying good bye to things in my life.  And I was finally being ok with these things ending… but then something happens to make them not seem like they are going to end… I’m getting so confused… I mean I’m not really sure anymore if I want them to end.  If you would have asked me yesterday, yes I was letting go of all these things, and now… I’m not so sure… I feel like I’m on a leash… I’ve been given so much slack that I think that  I’m free, but when I’m pushing for that final stretch to be free, I’m pulled back, back to where I used to be, back to where I’m no longer in the power to make decisions, to move on. AHHH so frustrating… On top of everything I’ve already been dealing with, I didn’t need this too.  Issue on top of issue keeps piling up and I’m starting to surrender the weight of it all…

~Regardless of how close I was to saying goodbye… Its really hard to do.  I mean espeically with people.  When someone once meant so much to you, no matter how much they may have hurt you, you never really want to say goodbye… All the memories all the good times, all the bad times, the way you care about them… No you never really want to say goodbye… I realize that sometimes it is 100% necessary to, but I have a really hard time with it.  I like to hang on even when its hurting me more to do so.  Will saying goodbye hurt, yes, but holding on will hurt more.  I need to recognize this sooner and just say goodbye… but most of the time… I just can’t…

~So we will see what happens.  Am I hurting yes, am I broken, no… I’m breaking… So I think that for now i’m ok, but is it only a matter of time? Probably… I just hope someone will be there to pick up the pieces…