Raindrops

~You listen as the rain trickles down the window panes. You watch as it makes watery streaks, obscuring the clear view. Down pours the rain. The gray gloomy sky greeting your gaze. The over powering feelings of sadness and depression surface. As you watch the rain, you can’t help the few t4ears that slide down your cheeks. Your tears match the streaks on the window. You don’t know why you are filled with this sadness. No matter what you do you can’t stop the tears. A slow and steady stream falls on to your cheeks. You silently brush them away. You don’t want to leave evidence behind. You are plagued by memories of him. The times you spend together. The shared moments holding his hand, his loving embrace, his listening ear. You think about all these separate moments, all just memories, yet they are something more. You’re not quite sure what that something is. These memories seem so real. You can instantly feel the passion, the warmth of his kiss. You feel him upon your fingertips tracing the outline of his face. Fresh tears sting at your eyes. They are only memories. Regardless of how real they seem, they are in the past. You know that you will never see that face again. You will never feel his lips upon yours. You will never again get the chance to tell him how you really feel. As much as you want to deny it, he meant something to you. Somehow he was able to work his way into your heart. He was able to make you care about him. You wish you could see his smile one more time. You wish you could hear his laugh again. You wish you could look into his eyes and convince him to stay. You let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding. As you in take a fresh breath you can’t calm down. Your chest feels like its crushing in upon you. The pressure is building up, burying you beneath it. Closing your eyes, you see his face. You can’t help but see it. You try to discard the image but it’s cemented into your mind. You see his blue gray eyes piercing into yours. You stare back. Not wanting to let the image fade. You want to hold on to it as long as you can. But slowly he fades away into the darkness leaving nothing but darkness and empty space. You don’t want to lose him. You don’t want to let him go. You never got to say those three words. You never got the chance to tell him how you felt about him, how he made you feel like you were the only girl in the world. But he’s gone and never coming back. Nothing you do will change or reverse that fact. The truth settles in around you. Your head begins to spin. Sweeping you up like a tornado. You never even got the chance to say goodbye. But you know it wouldn’t have made a difference. He’s gone and will not return. Looking back out at the rain, you almost wish it could wash away your memories of him. Almost. You’re not sure if it’s even possible to wipe them away. The way your heart yearns for him, longs for just one glimpse, one touch. No matter how hard you pray for your heart to let him go. Nothing will change the moments shared. The memories created. The intimacy expressed. Sighing you give in to the sadness and let it engulf you. You let it win. Surrounded by your memories, you let yourself drift away. Wandering in the pouring rain in search of the one thing you will never find. But you allow yourself the luxury of trying, even though it is useless. Just as hoping for sunshine during a thunderstorm is useless, searching for him is useless. Gazing back out at the rain, listening as it beats against the windows, you know it’s time to give up, time to let him go. It’s time to wash him away. It’s time to look for a new ray of sunshine…