Not Strong Enough to Stay Away…

~So I had a wonderful weekend with the farmboy in my previous entries.  He threw himself a birthday party on Saturday night and I was invited and I hung out with him for a while and then with our other mutual friends while he was talking to everyone else that was there.  So it was getting late and I was tired and I asked him if I could stay over night and he said yes, so I went to his apartment before him so I could at least get some sleep before he got there.  So when he showed up we had our fun and everything seemed to be going ok.  I left the next morning to go to work and everything was fine.

~Last night I got a text from him giving me this guys number that I had talked to at the bar on Saturday before my other friends got there cuz i guess he was asking about me.  And I was so confused so I called him and we talked for over an hour… and pretty much what it comes down to is that he doesn’t want to be the asshole that sleeps with me for the first time and he’s pretty hung up on another girl at the moment.  And I’m kinda broken right now… I guess I’ve always known that this was going to happen ever since the night that I met him, but I fell for him nonetheless… And now its up to me what I want to do.  He would like to still be friends and its up to me what kind of friends that we want to be and i just don’t know if I want to be friends yet. I mean this guy yes he did break my heart, he has been so sweet to me and I’m pretty sure that he actually somewhat cares about me i just don’t know if i’ll be able to handle it…

~I just feel so empty right now… Its not like I couldn’t have another guy right now. I’ve been out with a couple while I was waiting to see what was going to happen with the farmboy… I just don’t feel the same way about them that I did about this guy.  So idk what’s going to happen. I just don’t… I wish that I did but the future is so not clear…