Lessons In Love…

~So I had an awesome talk today with one of my friends in between classes today and I realized that I have to let go of all the control that I think that I have in my life. I just do. I know that this is rather hard to accomplish but I’ve got to do it! There isn’t anything else that I can do.

~I have to let God take control of my life. Love, especially. And he’s just doing what I’ve asked him to do. Gosh I feel so dumb… So here’s the scoop, after my run in with this guy named Steve a couple of years ago, I asked God not to have someone come into my life that would only try to use me… so since then, I really haven’t been with anyone, like at all… Yes I feel 100% alone all the time and then I throw a pathetic pity party for myself and that’s just not ok. God is just respecting my wishes. It is so much easier not having anyone then having someone only for them to hurt you that much more. Yes I’ve asked God to send me someone new, and that hasn’t happened, and yes I feel like God has rejected me and doesn’t care about me, but in reality God is just waiting for the right moment/right guy to send to me! At least this is what I’m telling myself and what I need to start believing! I have to start thinking that everything God does/doesn’t do in my life is for a specific reason and all for my best interest. I need to change my attitude about things. I can’t blame God, I need to go to him for support. He is the only one that really when I think about it will never let me down and is always there for me no matter how alone I may feel.

~On other news… My brother and his girlfriend got engaged today! Exciting yes, but also kinda sad for me cuz I am now losing him to someone else, but that’s ok…. I’m excited to help plan the wedding so its all good! I’m not 100% sure if I’ll be a bridesmaid but I kinda hope I am, I’m really close with my brother, and I’m kinda close with his fiancé so hopefully I will be considered even though I’m not looking forward to buying a bridesmaid dress… College Student=not a lot of extra cash!!!!!

~Also, my crush on this guy I like is expanding… NOT A GOOD THING!! I’m pretty sure that I’ll get over it eventually but I have a feeling that I’m gonna get hurt no matter what now, so yeah… its been interesting… hopefully I’ll just not think about it that much but you know me my mind tends to wander…

~ok I really need to attend to the piles of homework I have… 🙁 taking 22 credits + Working 33.5 hours= NO TIME FOR HOMEWORK!!! so I really should do some! wish me luck! <3