It’s Time to Say Goodbye…

~So my grandma went into the hospital last night, and my mom said that she was probably gonna make it, they were just going to keep her a few days until the treatment started to work… Today when I got home i find out that the treatment isn’t working so far and she isn’t eating and she’s probably going to be going into hopspice care until the end…

~From my time of being suicidal I have learned that death really isn’t an end. But i still feel numb. She hasn’t even passed yet and I already feel like she is gone…

~So my grandma has Alzheimer’s so she hasn’t really been with us for quite some time… The last time I saw her was christmas… She’s so confused when we come, which is why my mom hasn’t let us go and see her for a while… I don’t know if my mom wants us to go see her now either… I kinda want to but then again I kinda don’t.  I really don’t want to remember her like that… AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH idk what to do…

~Its times like these when I wish that I had a boy.  Someone on the outside who I could call and talk to this about, someone to come over and just hold me and tell me everything will be ok. To reasure me that he would still be there… Idk maybe I’m asking for too much, I just feel a really big void right now… in many different ways…

~I can’t sit still… Think I’ll go for a walk… maybe get my mind off this, though that is highly unlikely………………… 🙁