Forever

I wish to start this entry with some lyrics,

"Because days come and go but my feelings for you are forever"

This is how I’m feeling.  I’m not over Eric, I never will be.  My feelings for him will last forever.  I know they will and I can’t get them to go away.  I’ll be doing fine for so long and then these memories come crashing into me.  I can’t even explain it!  It will be the most random things that will make me think about him.  I miss him so much.  You never really know how much you love someone until you lose them.  I just can’t seem to let him go.  I know what I did to him was childish, but I just couldn’t face everything I was feeling at the time.  I didn’t understand it.  If I would have known I would be in this situation now, I would have done things completely differently.  At night I sometimes lie awake and wonder what he’s doing, if he’s happy, if he ever thinks of me… I know that I should just let go, if only it was that easy.  Sure my life has moved on, but a part of me will always be stuck in the past, with him.  I try so hard to get over him like he has me, but I can’t do it.  I’m not strong enough, and I just wish I could tell him all of this.  Not to change anything I just wish that he knew.  I hate how I have to keep all this inside, a secret from him.  I just don’t think it’s fair.  He deserves to know what’s true and real.  But I’m afraid that I will never be able to tell him.  I have lost him, and I have lost him forever.  I don’t even know if I will ever see him again.  I pray that I do, but only God knows if that is true or not.  Oh how I miss him.  He always knew just what to say to make things ok.  Even when we hated each other I still couldn’t wait to hear his voice or see him walking down the hallway.  Now all I have are my dead memories.  If I could have one wish, I would wish to have one more night with him.  So I could tell him how much he means to me and how much I will always love him.  Maybe one day all this will make sense.  Maybe one day I will be able to look into his eyes and tell him.  But until then my feelings for him are forever…