Definition of Music…

~Music expresses that which cannot be said and on which it is impossible to be slient ~Victor Hugo~

~I think that this man got it right. There are so many things that I want to say to peopel but I don’t have the courage to so I make them a cd instead. Also there are just so many things that are explained to me through music. Its almost pathetic how much I’ve learned through music. I also can play a specific song that coinsides with my mood, that’s almost sad. But I am so indebted to music. Its literally saved my life. I don’t think I would of had the courage not to kill myself if it wasn’t for the escape music gave me, still gives me. Some days its still really hard to hold on to this pathetic life i lead and some days I really just want to end it all and say i don’t give a fuck what other people will think cuz you know what i won’t be here to hear what they say. But then when I’m really down and depressed I turn on some breaking benjamin or seether or three days grace and just listen. I don’t do anything else just listen to the words and some how i’m still here. I don’t know how but i am. I wonder if there is some supernatural phenomenon that happens when people listen to music. there must be. I’m living proof… but that’s just something too complexe for my brain…

~So I figured out something this weekend, here it is SOME THINGS NEVER CHANGE… no matter what. I went back to my high school for homecoming. It was really weird being back, and seeing people I really haven’t seen since graduation. but you know it was ok. I was able to handle it alright. and somethings like LW don’t change. that was kinda funny, the dance sucked the music sucked and the ppl there just wanted to leave… oh high school memories… Its also true with life, sometimes you are going to get blamed for something no matter what you say and your always going to get blamed for it even when they opposing party knows its not your fault, some things will never change… a sad fact but life moves on…

~so lately I’ve been reflecting on my life and wow its been a pathetic one. there is so much i want to do to accomplis and so much crap that i’ve done, dealt with and so on. I feel like I really haven’t been living… which is probably true, you can’t really live with depression, that’s hard. But that’s the way it is in my life. but the good thing is that i’ve accepted it. And i’ve accepted a lot of other things, such as things that i want to do in my life i just accpet that they won’t ever happen. Its sad but i know deep down its true. For example I want to get the hell away from Wisconsin when I graduate college. I have no desire what so ever to live here, but guess what I know that I won’t ever leave. Somehow I will always be forced to be here, in the place where i hate it most. Its always like that being where you hate it. Always. But again that’s life and i better start dealing with it otherwise its gonna be a long many years until i finally die…

~well if that’s not depressing idk what is, sorry for putting my readers through this, just whats going through my mind, not wanting to fix my essay for class…

</3 MK