Two parts

Part 1

I don’t know what to do. I am so confused and frightened and burning with passion and life and I don’t know what to do. I cannot hurt this man and these children; I cannot put them through pain. I love them so much and I cannot do that; no.

But I cannot live a lie. I cannot continue much longer without being what and who I need to be; who I am. The need to be is just too strong to deny. I have to be with my love and my dear good friends; I must. And I can’t. Not even, sometimes, in the little quiet way we have found to be with each other.

Part 2

I have told him. And do you know what this amazing man said? He said that he had never proposed to another woman; that when he married me it was for life. He told me not to be sorry; not to be sorry for being what and who I am. He cried; he went for a walk. He came home and hugged me; I hugged him. I didn’t cry. I shook; my heart flipped over; but no tears came. I felt deep gratitude and love; I was amazed; but I didn’t cry.

I am at some sort of peace again; some sort of place of acceptance and relief and joy that only comes from being honest with myself and others; especially this man who continues to amaze me.