An odd detachment

What’s strange is how detached I feel; almost as though I don’t really care that you won’t be around.

And in a way I don’t. In a way I am relieved of the burden of realities: yours, mine, ours, theirs. It really is a joy to just feel what I feel without worrying about my clumsiness, or to experience my tongue-tied awe where I would only express love and joy and energy. Now I can live in that place without my gawky self intruding on an otherwise glorious scenario.

Oh, how much growing I need to do; I need to grow into the person I want to be, a person I can admire and love and take care of. I need to feel the powerful feelings I feel for you for myself. Then I will be able to feel my feelings; then I will be complete and will offer a complete person to enter into any relationship that opens up.

“oooooooookay then,” as my son would say!