Me Explorer

September 17, 2003

A second try

Practice piece

The leaves are waiting
if the wind comes in a rush
they will fly away
I am thinking beside them
may I ride along with you

Take me to the place
made sacred by my soul’s need
its serenity
reflected in the birds’ songs
the sheep grazing in the fields

The leaves and I know
the wind cannot transport me
only my heart’s hopes
to where they will be tended
in my soul’s sacred haven

~~~~~~~~~~

No drama

It is written all over here … or perhaps it isn’t.
I was looking through old photographs last night.
I looked at some new ones too.
Relatively speaking.
Grandma was in one, with one of those odd turban-style hats she so loved. She was so beautiful, so strong, so good. She has a little bit of a smile; it was taken at my uncle’s wedding. She never did get her fair share of smiles.
When I had been in rehab for a few weeks I woke up sometime in the middle of a night; sat bolt upright, startled; thinking “I have to call Grandma and tell her where I am, that I’m all right! She must be worried!”
Then I remembered that I didn’t have to call Grandma. I couldn’t call Grandma. She had been dead for over six years.
Just earlier this year I had a series of dreams in which Grandma was still alive. She had reached a very fragile state, but she was at peace, and once I found out she was still alive, I would visit her whenever possible; and I could call to check up on her, to say hello, to tell her I love her. As the dreams went on, though, she became weaker and less present until, even in my dreams, she had died. Again.
If she hadn’t died when she did, Grandma would have been 90 years old this coming October 7.
She raised me very well. She lived her values. She avoided any unnecessary drama because life had dealt her more than her fair share of drama and trauma, and less than her fair share of smiles and laughter.
She smiled with her eyes.
She is looking over me; she even visits my dreams when needed.
She had no use for drama outside of a theatre.
I am her granddaughter.

Mr. parallelogram

September 18, 2003

Being alive and human is certainly drama enough. Both of my Grandmothers were extraordinary women. I miss them both so. 1 died 5 yearts ago 1 month short of her 90th, teh other last October. Very hard to say goodbye. Actually I didn’t, she did…. I miss them both so does my heart. Much respect.

Woman of many hats..

so beautiful – I am so intrigued by the grandparent-grandchild relationship – mine were all gone before I was born –

redmoonrising

i loved my grandmother more than anything in this world. i see her in my mind, she was wonderful and beautiful. thank you for making me remember her.

DragonKat

XistDense

This makes me wish I had known my grandmothers better. Your description of her dying again in your dreams – so bittersweet.

RYN: Exactally! you write beautifully btw.

Torin

Well, God bless Grandma for stopping in and watching over you. With a warm smile…

losing someone you love is forever hard. It has been 3 years since Katy died, and it still makes me physically sick sometimes to think of it

Your Grandmother must have been a really great woman in her ways if the wonderful results she got of raising you are any indication. I imagine she peeks into this reality to see how you are ; ) That is something I really miss in this life; I never had a Grandmother and I won’t get to be one. I treasure the brief times I get to share with other’s children though : ) Hugs

LiteBrite

Oh I loved the decriptiveness of the relationship! Thank you for sharing this, it was just beautiful!

Your Grandma has watched over you all these years, making her presence felt in your dreams. Looking at old photos conjours up all sorts of memories. I have a black & white photo of one of my grandmothers framed and hanging in my bedroom. She wears her “all-knowing” smile in the photo. Hugs,

I know my Gramma watches over me, and it sounds like yours does, too. It’s one of the things that’s “convinced” me death is just a stepping stone onto another path.

The Rickster

Your grandma was right; drama is for theatres, not real life. 🙂

Armiel

Both of my grandmothers would have been 85 this coming February. *sighs* They are in a better place, I know; had been ready to go, but sometimes I just miss them, wonder about them…

I can’t probably note for long but I just wanted to let you know that I’ve expired and have opened up over on the free site. :o)

noko

The curtain between dream and memory and the real world is so thin sometimes. I am glad you feel her with you and how extraordinary to wake up wanting to tell her where you are.

Meginsanity

Your grandma sounds wonderful. ryn: Oh, I know it looks hard, but it’s not even algebra, it’s multiplying fractions–you just flip what’s after the equals. *smile* Thanks for your kind note, as always.

ryn thank you..you understand well

Lumina

i liked reading about your grandma. i can tell how very much you loved her, and that she impacted your life deeply. grandmas are so special. about your poem…i read a story when i was a child, and i dreamed of sitting on a leaf and having the wind carry me away. what an imagination i had. i loved your poem! *hugs*

Starr418

September 19, 2003

I just missed seeing fall here. Some of the trees are turning but not as much as I would have liked to see.

Singing Nun

September 22, 2003

This is wonderful. My granddad paid me a visit in a dream this year and it was quite remarkable. Also had some very strong thoughts about my dad yesterday that made me feel he was reaching out to say hello – I miss our silly phone calls.