Shed Your Soul

Hello there! It’s been a while. A lot has happened, and not happened, since last time. I’ll go over some of it but most is unimportant. Also I’m typing this on my phone during a long road trip so the output is much slower. The text input program is all weird looking, so this entry may come out all fugly looking.

The last few weeks have been excellent. Little has changed physically. It’s largely mentally that things have transformed. I was in a low place beforehand. I hated my job. I had started dating an amazing girl only to be friendzoned after a seemingly good double date. I was moving out of my place and felt like a scumbag due to not telling my roommates and them finding out through the landlord, who had been contacted for a reference by my new landlord. I felt goddamned low.

Some dick joke page on Facebook had some link I clicked one, which led to an ad for a dating self-help book. I pirated it and ended up reading the whole thing. And that was when I had my sterling moment of clarity, oddly enough. One of the most important points listed within it was to be confident. Not just to feign confidence, but to actively believe it, and to believe in yourself. It seems so simple, and yet previously impossible. In that moment, being so low somehow enabled me to believe in myself. I now see every day as an opportunity to learn and better myself. Every day I become stronger, smarter, better. Closer to who and what I want to be.

I’ve started reading books and listening to audiobooks while I drive. Better to learn something new than listen to the same oft-depressing music repeatedly. The Law of Attraction was also helpful. Being positive has attracted more positive things to me.

Since then, I have been 99% more comfortable with my phlebotomy and it’s been 300% more effective. I rarely screw up, and no longer beat myself up over infiltrations and resticks. Things with Ashley may work better down the line. If nothing else, I almost dated a smart, funny, beautiful woman, so I know I can succeed next time. Her shutting me down was integral to my transformation. I’d rather be single and happy than taken and self-doubting. I’m no longer outcome-dependent with women. I only aim to learn and have fun, if I decide I want more then I work on that. I sleep better. I have more energy. I don’t yet know if people believe my confidence, if not they will in time.

Monday school starts again. School directly into work four days a week, full-time on both with Sunday to recover. I moved back into Medford with one of my old roomies and his girlfriend, who are two of my closest friends anyway. I’m loving the shit out of it. Work is acceptable but my eyes are always open for better opportunities. Slowly my creativity is returning, and I’m writing more lyrics. As always, I have too many cool friends to hang out and spend time with.

Not much has changed, but life is pretty damned good.

Right now I’m working on getting into the Twitter scene and then reactivating my website. My friend Corey blew up and has 16,000 followers and is helping me get some as well. We’re starting to make funny videos again. I’m tagging along with him to a Tweet-Up in San Francisco in the summer. Can’t really leave this to grab the link but my twitter name is @medisinn so follow if you’d like and I’ll follow back. I mostly post goofy, irreverent things.

I’m currently on the way to some town in Washington just over the state border with my friend Kayla, who is like a sister. Some of her family lives up there so she invited me to tag along for Easter. We don’t get to spend time together much, plus road tripe are great. I have to miss the first day of school but it’s worth it. It also gives me time to catch up on what all of you have been up to.