In Your Eyes

 Ah, I’m yet more behind. I’ve been hanging out with people the past couple nights.

Tuesday I went over to Jared and Kayla’s. I hadn’t seen them in quite a while. They are a couple that should not be together, but they are together. They have been together for years, and will be together for years. I have learned to accept this and seek not to mediate or help them. As such, it was probably more fun hanging out this most recent time than it usually is. It feels like there’s a certain heartlessness to simply giving up on people, at least when I give up on them, for I’ve often been the last person holding onto hope for those who others had long before given up on. It is what it is, the problems of others are their own problems, and if they genuinely want me to help, I will, but such an occurrence is pretty damned rare. I’ve learned not to push my help on others, not to push my values on them, and it seems to work better. I was over there until 2 in the morning, playing video games, drinking, signing up for classes next term with Jared, and teaching Kayla how to make california rolls. Good times.

Yesterday was the first of my several days in a week where I have neither school nor work, so I spent it sleeping in and playing video games, naturally. At some point Matt from Penney’s came over, I also hadn’t seen him in a while. Video games, junk food, indeed. A little bit of regression but that’s nice every now and then. So, yeah, I have been busy the last couple nights, and I prefer writing at night for various reasons, mostly related to laziness and sentimentality.

Definitely sensed more reluctance from Kayleen today when we parted ways after class, I could see it in her eyes. I had no intention of asking her to hang out, since I had to study for my Psych exam. I suppose I’ll try on Tuesday, since she’s showing more interest. Even if we end up just being friends, that’s fine, but I would like to know either way. This term will be over in three weeks, so if I’m going to keep in touch with anyone from class, they need to show interest, darnit. There’s not really anyone else, or anyone at work, so I guess it’s nice to sort-of-but-not-really have a maybe kinda could-be dating prospect/person to be interested in. For someone who feels he lives in a world of grey, I do seem to treat things rather black-and-white when it comes to being interested in someone. Either you are, or you aren’t, and if you aren’t right away or soon afterward, it’s not going to happen. Is that accurate though? Maybe I’ve been wrong all these years. Maybe someone like her can be uninterested or preoccupied at first and become interested later. Maybe…

I got my shift cut on Monday, I guess hours are getting hacked at plasma. It shouldn’t last long, people will want to come in to donate and get Christmas money soon enough. Of all the shifts I could lose, losing a Monday 6AM shift is the best scenario. Gives me time to sleep in and do homework. I’ll have Mon-Thurs off next week, and Wed-Thu off from school, so that will be cool.