talk stupid- off with your head

i hope i am not judgemental. im pretty sure im not. simply because i think i take time to adjust to everything. it has taken me 5 weeks to adjust to being over here, and i am leaving in less than 3. i take a long time to form opinions of people over time.

however, there are certain times when i KNOW i am judgemental. i am judgemental of what i consider to be foolishness. not in the sense that i care whether people make the decisions they do, but more in the sense that i cannot understand why they do them.

an example of this judgement would be of sheltered people.there are some that i can completely understand. girls that have been overprotected because their religion and culture tells them to be. 

but some that i absolutely cannot. for example, a grown ass woman who has not got a clue about life. shockingly so.

i gotta get this out of my system, because it is eating at me and making me bitter, and i dont know who i can complain to about it any more without sounding like a loon.

24 years old. KS. met her and her sister on holiday with SL. it was quite clear back then that her sister made all the decisions, and she was a little foolish about hers.

i waved it off thinking it was just because she was with her sister. 

i thought coming out here, we would be doing loads together. she has disappointed me to the NEXT level. 2 days before i fly out, she cancelled on me for touring around the country. with a LAME excuse, which i gave her the benefit of the doubt for. and then arrived here to find out it was completely bogus.

so then i tried making plans for this and that. and would always get shot down, given a lame excuse, and moved around for her convenience. 

so then i am thinking hard about this. what the HELL is going on. why did she "lead me on" with promise of joint activity. i am happy to do stuff on my own, if i knew i had to do it on my own. being told you will, while precious time is slipping away, only to be batted off constantly, is fucking irritating. 

I AM ONLY HERE ONCE. I AM PROBABLY NOT GOING TO COME BACK HERE. THIS IS A ONCE IN A LIFETIME OPPORTUNITY FOR ME. So why did you have to fuck it up so royally? it is my fault really, i shouldnt have been lulled into a false sense of security that it would be a fun trip for me cos at least i had a friend out here. 

so i am thinking hard about this. thinking thinking thinking. 

what if i were in her position? I WOULD GIVE HER A TRIP TO NEVER FORGET. i would take her everywhere, every weekend. ESPECIALLY if she emailed me saying she didnt know anyone else out here, was lonely at the hospital, and hardly met anybody to hang out with. ESPECIALLY if she said she was lonely. 

if i had a family commitment, i would fucking bring her with me!!!! not tell her that i had a family commitment, and tell her to basically make her own plans for the weekend. laters.

so still thinking…what is her deal? what is this girl’s problem? i havent offended her…how can i have? in the brief time i have known her, how in the world could i have offended her?

so i try to plan a trip elsewhere…and she literally DETERS me from doing it, despite her not being able to come with me. WHY? because her parents and the news tell her that it isnt safe. 

heck, my dad told me it wasnt safe to come out here on my own. but did i give a fuck? NO! I AM HERE! i skyped with him last week, and he was still rattling on about racist attacks…I AM STILL HEREEEEEE?!?!?!?!!!!

so here is the first flag- her parents tell her not to do something for fear of safety breaching…and she doesnt. ok fine, i get that. no worries. but she is telling me she wants to move out of this country and live with her sister back home? YEAH RIGHT!!! you wont even drive your car bitch!

second flag- she is doing stuff with other friends. just not inviting me. and yet it is unsafe and impossible to meet with me. since starting my placement, a 7 week placement, i have met her ONCE. ONCE. one time. and we went to the cinema, so not even like we chatted or hung out. she aint poor either.

third flag- i was thinking about the bar and club district over here. its pretty far south. and then i thought about this girl. and i wondered if she had ever been. i highly doubt it. and then i felt sad for her. i bet she has never really been OUT. like she drinks, and goes to dinner…but a night out in a club? i dont think she could handle it. and i know not everyone has to go out clubbing, like AP, she hates that shit. but that is her personality. but this girl is different. its doesnt seem like it would be a choice, and a decision, but rather forced upon her based on fear and babying.

fourth flag- her sister is NORMAL!!!!

i am done with this bitch! damn. 

it just fascinates me, that someone is 24, and still so childish, and yet has all these plans to move here and do this and see that. i have no idea how she will actually fare in the world. i mean, im pretty childish, but i can do stuff on my own. SL likened it to her. SL is nothing like this. at least SL goes out. she is adventurous. she will do stuff alone, and wont blink about it. SL is not sheltered, SL chooses to be looked after while she can be. 

wow.