moving on up

 so this whole last week has been pretty stressful. monday’s exam was royally shit. and tuesday was ok…i would have been happy if monday hadnt gone SO badly. i spent the whole of wednesday in bed. cold feet, sweaty palms. results came out 2 hours late. but i passed!!!!!

i was so certain i had failed. failed in the sense of…i didnt work hard until the last month of this module when i literally was working on 6 hours a night, attending uni and spending every other waking minute in front of a book. i did a lot of fun stuff in the last 3 months. i took a whole week off uni and they had no idea. but i fucking passed.

but the last couple of months havent been that breezy. some of it has actually been kinda tough. with mum and dad and the couple of big fights have had with ST. the more i think about it, the more im ready for 2012. even if it does mark the end of the year. 

i need to start compiling a list of resolutions again. i think predominantly, yet again, i wanna pass my exams and lose weight. i lost weight in South East Asia, but i can lose more..and i think i put some on after exams as well. but i think there is still more i can work on on myself. 

yesterday got to a point where i was refreshing the page every 2 minutes. but part of me kept wishing wishing wishing that i had passed. but i always get a feeling of dread when i see that email. ive received about…oh lord knows how many "you have not passed" emails. 

i got 4 in 1st year, 5 in second year, 1 in third year, and a 2:2 in my iBSc. it hasnt gone swimmingly. but after 3rd year resits, and this exam…im beginning to feel like things are on the up? this has been the first medical school exam i passed first time round. ha! what is that?! out of the 6 years ive been in uni so far…and of the 5 of those which have been medical…this is literally the first exam i have passed without a resit. i want to keep this up. so in the new year, keeping on top of neuro is going to be a priority. 

so yesterday i spent all day in bed because i was nervous and tired. and today i spent the whole day in bed (so far) because im bored. this is what happens after exams. there is a feeling of emptiness and loneliness. i want to get out. i want to go to someone else’s place and relax and eat and chill. i know i had been craving feeling like this while i was studying, but now ive had a day and half of it, and i want to get back out there. 

i miss SL so much. shes really not the same at all. shes become reserved and im worried she might be angsty as well. i thought one or the other, but it seems both. BUT, i am here for her now, im just waiting for her to be free for me too. 

i might go for a swim. that might help me be less bored. 

so so so relieved i passed. its like every bit of tension in me melted away.