just like a dragonfly

so last night was good.

rewind-today is crap. i am bored. distinctly bored. SO bored. but i gotta do this.

but last night was good. it had the potential to be crap.

i dont know why, he was all over me. i think hes missed me. and i had my sunday night shower and i smelt good. and we started kissing and he reached very quickly for my underwear. and i stopped. and he asked me what was wrong, and i just sort of, without realising how quickly i said it, but almost demanded "can you just slow down please"

and it worked. he slowed completely down. we just kissed for ages. and i let my mind wander in the mean time about what was to come..and it made me more in the mood…and he kissed my neck…ahhh i love it when he does that…makes me weak. and then he moved on a little…but he never went near my knickknacks. and just as he was about to…i whispered to him "tease me"…

and he did. and it made me hotter. and when we eventually started…i was kinda in a bit of pain…but then he got his hand in the right position and it was incredible. and there was no drying up..and i came. he kept kissing me through out (i think he realised it made me hotter)…and when i did come, it wasnt a massive one…but it was still one. and i felt so close to him. he didnt rush anything. he kept at a normal pace. and wasnt too hard on me..he just let things unfurl naturally. 

he kept going a little after..but i could feel myself drying…and i told him i wouldnt be able to again..but then he asked me if i was enjoying it..and i said i was…and he said it didnt matter then, and if i was enjoying it, that was ok. but then he made the mistake of coming out..and i closed up pretty instantaneously.

and then we hugged. a lot.

he kept telling me my hair smelt good. he never tells me that. he normally hates my hair. he says it gets in his face when we’re sleeping. but yesterday he kinda snuggled into me. and i felt so tiny. i felt fragile. and special. and precious. 

and this morning i felt the same. when the alarm went off, he hugged me closer. and kissed the back of my neck and upper back a little. and i just curled up on his side of the bed after he got up and fell asleep again.

i couldnt sleep last night. i dunno why. i just lay awake for what must have been hours. i kept thinking about the hip examination, and the shoulder examination. and what i needed to do to pass. 

and i kept trying to focus on happier things that normally help me sleep, but i kept drifting. and they weren’t working. i dunno why.

and every time i got comfortable i got too hot. and then i would move again, and the same thing would happen.

and today i feel kinda..dead. i just want to fast forward 3 weeks and be on my way to thailand. but i have this stupid exam. and im not really dreading it…im more scared of the day i get results. is that weird? im not scared of the exam…im scared of the results. that despite doing this year the second time round, i will still fail. 

and yeah i might have enjoyed myself. but then what? i’ll be a 24 failed medic who will end up resentful of life. 

sometimes i wonder if i would happy having a simpler life. where i get a nice job 9-5. earn enough money to keep me afloat. 

who knows. all i know is that RIGHT NOW, id rather be back to last night when i was cuddled up to ST. or 3 weeks from now sipping coconut water on a beach in thailand.