excuse me

one of the reasons i leave everything so late is because i hate to make excuses for myself.

i never came forward about cutting myself at the age of 14, because i was scared everyone would think i was attention seeking. so i kept it quiet.

whenever i would tell my parents about my sister bullying me they would tell me to stop making excuses and get on with it and respect her cos shes my older sister and she loves me. crock of shit.

in second year i never handed in an extenuating circumstances form which could have been the difference between my passing first time and doing retakes, because i didnt want to make excuses for my short comings.

last year i left it until the month before my exams to tell anyone what was going on in my head because i was too scared everyone would tell me i was just paranoid and attention seeking and making excuses for why i was finding the year so hard.

this year i told myself no more excuses. i dont want to hand in an extenuating circumstances form. because i feel like im making excuses for myself. but i have to. cos its not excuses. i missed a week of being able to do work on my project because of all this shit at home. so if it means giving me some leniancy from being rushed and having a shit write up, then i need it.

my back hurts pretty much 24/7. it takes me ages to get comfortable.

i get shin splints when i walk too fast or run on treadmills. it really fucks up my day when it happens. i started getting them when i was 17 and started using the treadmill during A levels to control my weight. i didnt really recognise it as anything at first. i thought it was just because i was fat. then i got to uni and someone else mentioned it happened to them, and it dawned on me that it was an actual thing. ive been searching for means of changing it, so far, i havent got any.

i explain my behaviour when i get mad or upset or moody because i like to warn someone. i didnt realise it was also classed as making excuses.