breathe slow

being deep is exhausting.

i read over a couple of entries, and just reading them is making me as exhausted as i felt when i wrote them.

this dissertation has taken over my life. and there is no end in sight. only it doesnt matter, cos either way, i HAVE to hand it in on friday. fuck.

ST and i are back on track. im scared. im scared of how much hes affecting me already. i didnt realise i was so in this relationship. when did it get that serious?

its ok though PM. even if it is serious, thats fine, cos its not like your marrying him tomorrow. you have 3 years. 3 years to learn each other better. 3 years to concentrate on studying. im not rushing anything, theres no urgency. so just relax. theres no harm loving somebody, just dont let it get to you so much when you disagree. you have 3 whole years to break up, so stop worrying hes going to do it now. stop being scared of losing him. if he means that much, if you mean that much, 5 months in is too early to break up.

so just relax. just enjoy the time you have now. before your life catches up with how serious your relationship is.

stop worrying what the future will bring, cos you cant avoid it. in 3 years time, if its still on track, heck, in 2 years time, thats when you can stop having fun. thats when you’re allowed to consider everything seriously.

yes you’re serious about loving him. yes you’re serious about him being the one. but you dont need to be serious about it.

just relax. just breathe. dont be scared. he will still be there in 3 years, and then you can worry about him leaving you. 5 months in? nah. its too soon to give up.

everything will be a-ok.