Dear Mom

 

Its been 10 years since you have been gone but yet it still seems like yesterday I got that horrible call. I knew that you were sick, I didnt know you were in hospice when we were planning my makeup for prom. I watched a movie today called "My Sisters Keeper". I shouldnt be allowed to watch movies where someone dies of cancer. It sucks. Watching the girl "suffer" makes me really wonder all the pain you went thru. I mean I really want an understanding. Is it like the pain I feel in my heart as I write this? That feeling in the pit of your stomach that makes me feel like I could just puke.

Or is it just different all together?

I feel like shit. Im 28 years old, but I miss you like Im 5.

I wish I could just call you. See how you’re doing. I want to pretend that you will answer the phone and we can just chat.

I cried so hard in the shower tonight. A few weeks ago I woke up crying, crying like I had never cried before. You came to me in my dream and told me "it was time". Do you know how much my heart hurts right now? What do you mean it was time?

I wish you could physically see these beautiful grandchildren. And witness their wit. Amazing kids I tell you.

 

I miss you soo much mom.

I wish you could just come back.

 

 

 

 I love you.

Amanda