Lost

Today I feel… lost and uncertain of where I outa to go
I know where my sister goes, and where she stays
I know where my mother goes, and where she stays
but I feel… lost.
25 to turn 26 this year
Never a man have I known thus never to a broken heart have I wept for.
Never a car driven, nor smashed, nor bent of.
Never a mile out of the known city, never on my own….
Chances were given to me when I was 15 youths younger
but… so “wise” that I said no to all of them.
Now I observe my Sister 27 – a teacher, for 15 youths ago
day by day she said yes to practicing the piano….
Yes to knowledge, yes to learning, yes yes yes.
while I was outside saying yes to the woods calling me.

It is the now that I have reaped what I had sown…
and yet,
even now I sow,  but cannot reap.
For some will say of me,
I am still young.
Yesterday I was in youth
Today, I am in my prime.
tomorrow, I am one day in passing.
What like a flower or a shred of grass, to bloom by sun light
and shed by dusk, that her petals, the moon will not shed light upon again.

Time, she will tell me when I can reap.
Until then, still I am lost…. I pray, God… where do I go?
this path is narrow but sooo many ways to go
What do YOU want me to do?