Been trying to figure how to put this entry

And I have big sis to thank for getting me started. What I say and how I finish this will be kinda of interesting and more so if any of it makes logical sense!?!!?!

We have a family member (BIL) who was diagniosed with cancer about 18months ago. It threw our family into overdrive as we flocked together to give support to our sister whose husband this was. The unfortunate thing is our sister is a bit introverted as the whole family is to one degree or another, some more than others when tragedy enters our life. We wanted to be there for her and I know deep down she did appriciate us being there, she just was not ready to talk about it all etc and as time has gone by she still has not "opened" up as such and this has put some of us female family members in the worry circle 🙂

Over the last 18 months we have had highs and lows, a high being that my sis and hubby got remarried last year and this brought a large majority of the extended family together including one of my other sisters and her hubby from OZ. So for the first time in at my best guess some 20 odd years (correct me southernkbellz if you have a better time frame 🙂 mum had all her children in one place. Was a great time sadly tinged by the sadness of why this event had come about.

Then there was a bit of a low when BIL had a bit of a downward slide, he then had more operations and we were all on tender hooks again.

Things have not improved and it has now reached the stage when we all know that the ineviatble is going to happen probably sooner rather than later and the family are starting to communicate and catch up with everyone and making sure everyone is ok. Big brother finally plucked the courage up that none of the rest of us could do and rang sis to see how BIL was which confirmed really its a waiting game.

So as big sis (southernkbelz) put in an email to me and kinda summed up exactly what I was thinking (sorry sis I have taken liberty of reprinting some of your words 🙂 "It’s so sad and I have to keep bright and cheerful and try not to dwell on what they must be going through, cos I know L or C for that matter doesn’t want that."

We are all in the same boat, mum trys not to dwell on it but each time there is more news it takes her on a downward spiral of sadness that none of us wish her to go through and espcially not on her own and thats one of the reasons that I insisted she come down her and stay her with us, also because she did not need to be on her own when we do here any news. But I only did what all the others were thinking and probably planning as well.

So my life goes on and out there is somebodies life who is ending and it is all so very sad and overwhelming to take in at times. But to be honest with myself it is for my sis that I feel the greatest sadness and her kids. It just all seems so unfair and nothing you can do about it. My sis copes so well. I have nothing by admiration for how she is coping and managing all this "process" and hoping that her lack of communication with the family is only there to help her cope and get through this and not a permenant feature in her life!  I hope that when it is over and time has passed that one day maybe the sisters will get together and be able to talk about this time in all our lives.

So from here I wait and try not to plan too many things but realise that life does march on knowing that I have to be ready to go and organise and all those things when its needed.

Till next time diary.