inappropriate behaviour brings about unhappy info

It’s not always a whole lot of fun to have your suspicions confirmed… I guess I wished I was wrong, but there you go, frankly it’s worse than I thought.

So what I did wasn’t right by any means, nor do I condone it, but done it is. I’m cat-sitting for Owen this week. I used his computer and it opened up to facebook, with the password already typed in… sorry, at this point, a little too much temptation. So he’s seeing someone, has been since before he broke up with me basically, well, I can’t be sure, but there was cuddling involved prior to me anyhow… probably the weekend in CT, which would explain the mood turnaround I suppose…

Well, this at point, it’s probably best to know it, maybe I can get really pissed off and move on past him… Obviously, it’s easy for him to be fine with me, he doesn’t miss me, he’s got someone else keeping him warm. Why the hell isn’t SHE taking care of his cat? Why am I the sucker huh? Seriously, what the hell? I’m a rebound, yeah maybe, but that’s sure as hell NOT the only reason he broke up with me. Apparently he has trouble making up his mind… you know the funny thing is that I’m mostly disturbed about the lie… lie by omission if you will, but lie nonetheless… I would definitely have been hurt by his having someone else, but this pisses me off… This wasn’t about me apparently, just that someone else was more appealing. It’s not like we had tied into being exclusive, I mean we were being exclusive, but it was never something we had talked about…

She seems super nice and she’s really pretty… of course. This hurts, fuck this hurts. This is obviously not going to help me get back on my feet. Upon his return, Owen can be handed his keys and his books and go on his merry way for a while, because I’m pissed off, I deserve much better than this. Fantastic things for my self-esteem this, FANTASTIC. I need to stop being friends with my exes, it would probably have been better for me not to know… but then again, did I really need to be thinking that this was all about me? He’s the one that was an ass, not knowing what you want is one thing, lying about it is another. I don’t have any way to confront him about this, as obviously checking his facebook was most definitely not ethical, but I also don’t have any reason to keep in contact really. I can swing dance on my own, learn from others, it’ll be more expensive, but that’s fine. He doesn’t deserve my company. I gave entirely too much to this relationship already to someone who doesn’t respect me enough to tell me the truth… maybe this is why he wanted me to yell at him. I think I’ll just be busy, too busy.

Alright Owen, thanks for helping me find myself again this summer, thanks for pushing me to do swing dancing, and for really great sex. The rest of the crap, you can take back, the bullshit, the mood swings, the lies, I’m done. I think I would have prefered to keep thinking of you as one of the good guys, but I suppose it’s nice to see someone’s true colours at some point so that you can truly move on, so done, thanks! Now please grow up!

So now I deal with me…