General happy times
Yesterday was a good day… in fact, come to think about it, the whole weekend was good too… There are some moments when my morale isn’t 100%, but it’s getting better and better.
Saturday was the recruitment day for the choir, every year we participate in the Community Day during Pride week and set up a kiosk to recruit new members for the choir. So from 9:30 to 5 I was at the booth, singing along to our end of year show DVD and hanging out with choir members. This year we had an amazing bunch, I’m really hoping that the next bunch we recruit fits in well with us. It’s really crazy how much time we’ve all been spending together this summer, and we don’t seem to get tired of each other.
Of course I was absolutely exhausted at the end of the day, spending the day in the sun and heat while standing and singing will definitely take it out of you. I headed home for shower and a nap. Later that evening, Micheal was having us at his place for the final fireworks of the summer, so I headed there afterwards. Spent some time with Mimi and Jojo who were in Michael’s bedroom with the baby. He was being fussy, probably tired as it had been a pretty long day for him. I played babysitter for a while and Emilie played psychologist with me a little. She really seemed dissapointed for me that things hadn’t worked out with Owen. I told her that I was feeling much more zen about the whole thing, time and such 🙂 The fireworks were a little disspointing, quite short, but I have to say part of me was glad of that as every time we had fireworks this summer, I watched them with Owen, so I was feeling a bit lonely at that point. We spent the rest of the evening watching music videos from Glee and watching lobbyvision (I really don’t get the fascination… lol, lobbyvision, not Glee!).Headed home fairly early as we had an early day on Sunday. Took the subway with Emilie and Mathieu, and got to thinking that I would really like to spend more time with the two of them, they are good company.
Next morning was our corporate contract, if someone had told me that I would be singing in a political event, for this particular party, I think I would have laughed at them… and yet, there we were. It actually went well. At one point, the rest of the choir went downstairs to practice while a few of us were still putting on makeup, and so we got left behind. We decided to have our own practice in the dressing room… So it was Alice and Emilie (altos), Micheal and Fred (basses) and me (soprano). I was quite impressed with the fact that I was holding my own. I even had all the words down without the sheet music. The acoustics were actually really good in that little room too. All in all, it was enjoyable. The actual performance went ok, I could have done without the long speech we had to stand around for, considering I was in the front row and kept having to check my facial expressions… lol!
After all that, a group of us headed out for lunch and to watch the Pride parade. Not as much fun as last year (the parade, not the group) but it was good fun. At the end of the parade, a bunch of people decided to walk behind the last float, so we decided to join them. So I guess I can say I walked in the pride parade this year… That’s the great thing about Montreal, I’m completely convinced that more than 50% of the people there weren’t GLBT and yet, there was a great sense of inclusion. Emilie, Alice, Karène and I decided to head home instead of going out with the others to grab a drink. I was exhausted and just wanted to relax at home. Michael looked so disspointed when I told him I was leaving… he’s so sweet. It always kind of surprises me that he seems to care about me so much.
My evening was fairly quiet, got to meet my roommate’s new kitten, who is absolutely adorable, all white with two black spots on his head that look like someone drew on his head with a sharpie… so I now have yin yang cats. My cat is black with white spots lol! I also had a really fantastic talk with Fred. It had been a while since we’d had a really good talk. I had been a bit dissapointed with the way he’d dealt with me when Owen and I broke up, so I think I’d been pulling back a bit. But this time, it was good. Strange, he was showering me with compliments. We got to talking about Owen (obviously, yes, I’m still processing, it’s only been about a week and a half, I’m giving myself permission) and he said something about how if I wanted to, I could probably turn him around, that in a few months, he’d be the one coming to me. That I’m so fantastic and that I had no idea how impressive I could be. He said that he’d been watching me today, how happy and upbeat I was, being a leader and encouraging people and he was thinking to himself, that’s MY Nat… That once someone had been with me (like he had), I became incredibly impressive once they thought they might have lost me… I was speechless… didn’t really know what to say. "But you haven’t lost me", I said. "As a lover I have". The funny thing is, he never wanted me… and yet… there you go. He went on to tell me how impressed he’d been by my voice today during the rehearsal in our dressing room, that he’d never heard me sounding quite so good… frankly, if I didn’t know that he’s happy with Marie-Christine and that he’s not interested in me that way… I would almost have thought he was hitting on me. But that’s Fred, sometimes he just becomes really honest, and it’s incredibly good for my self-esteem. So I don’t know how much his reality and Owen’s will coincide, but they do tend to share a brain sometimes, so who knows… not that I necessarily want to get back with him, but having him chase me again, that could be fun, would definitely make me feel like I got my power back… lol! But anyhow, we talked for 2 and a half hours, definitely our longest phone call in a long time. He seems to be doing well. I didn’t try to go into any of the issues, just let him talk and it was good.
Yesterday was an average day, until after my yoga class… and somehow, after that, everything took on a new colour… the sky was beautiful, the weather was perfect and my mood was serene. Even ended up having a phone conversation with Owen that went well, and I didn’t feel wrung out after, it felt normal. We always were good at talking. Seems he’ll be staying in Montreal afterall, seems to have officially decided to postpone the Ottawa job and finish up the accounting certificate so he can work towards his C.A. He was pretty excited because he’d been asked to join the intermediate dance team that he had been turned down for earlier this summer. The only problem was that he’s expected to continue with the other dance team he’s already in. He seems to think he can do it, I just hope he won’t burn himself out, but he’s really happy about this. I mentionned that I was missing my dance classes (because I couldn’t sign up for classes this session as it would interfere with my choir practices in September), he said he would be happy to give me a class sometime, but that it would go to later as he’s pretty busy. I was convinced that classes wouldn’t start until October, so I was up for it, but when I realised that classes should be starting mid-September, I felt better about it. If he does decide to give me a class, I’ll try to make sure Fred comes too. Talking on
the phone is one thing, actually being face to face with him… not sure I’m there yet. I’ll be happy with a buffer. Rest of the conversation went well.
I’m trying to check myself lately… been realising that my critical nature had been coming off a little too strong with him, and in general with everyone, so I’ve been trying to be more complimentary of people when they deserve it. It’s funny that I’m such an optimist by nature, but that I tend to be so critical. I’ve been trying to be a lot more conscious of it. I’ve also been trying to be a better listener and to stop trying to fix things for people. Frankly, I think that the conversation with Fred on Sunday went well because I just tried to listen. I must continue to be aware of this…
Called Maude to thank her too… she was really good about being there for me. She seemed really happy that I was doing so much better. Should be meeting up with her and Keving this week for dinner and board games. I’m looking forward to that.
Wrote a list of things that made me happy yesterday and posted it on facebook, I ended with people being happy I’m happy… Michael left me a note saying: this might sound goofy, but reading this list made my day better, seriously. Count me as one of the people who are happy you’re happy. That made me happy too 🙂 I really wish we could find him someone who deserves him… guess everyone needs a good man… lol!