Flash forward with flashbacks

I started re-reading old entries in this diary today… I’m having a lazy day, and I’m just waiting around until 5 thirty to go help out my friend with the preparations for the bowling fundraiser for the choir tonight, so after reading some stuff on facebook, and playing flags of the world, I somehow ended up on here.

Re-reading entries is always interesting, first off, realising I have been keeping this diary off and on since 2002 (although I know I had one prior to that, which got deleted)…  What’s also wild for me is realising that younger me could be very insightful and I could probably learn a whole lot from her, as I sometimes feel a bit like the world made more sense and was simpler then. Or maybe it’s just that my beliefs about life hadn’t gotten muddled yet.

actually, maybe I’ve written this entry before:

http://www.opendiary.com/entryview.asp?authorcode=A914071&entry=10014&mode=date

It’s funny, I generally write for a certain period of time before life would take off, or get stagnant and I would stop writing, but generally it was a negative event that would get me writing again, as if somehow, trying to sort it out on paper screen seemed to help my brain or heart (because it’s usually relationship issues of some variety) sort itself out. At which point, I would remember how much writing stuff down seemed to be cathartic, so I would blitz through a certain number of entries before disappearing again… and then usually proceed to making the same mistakes that had caused me to start writing again in the first place… I suppose you could call that a viscious circle no?

Oh, I try to vary the mistakes, gotta keep things interesting for the readers (and for myself of course) but they seem to have very similar themes… and every time, I make the same resolutions, which I forget about after I stop writing.

So maybe I need to take the opportunity to start writing again, even if there’s not all that much going on… maybe getting into the habit of writing on a semi-daily basis will help me clear my head (My friend Maude, who’s finishing her psych PhD suggests it’s the equivalent to therapy) and if not, at the very least, maybe blank pages won’t be so bloody scary and I’ll actually manage to write my damn Master’s thesis when the summer comes along… lol!

So I pledge to try to keep writing, be it inane or embarassing or anywhere in between… that way I can keep learning from myself 🙂

 

A few thoughts from my younger self:

Things happen for a reason

How things look all depend on where you’re standing (perception is everything).

Focus on the positive

Sometimes a wrong turn will take you exactly where you needed to go

 

Things I should learn from her:

Learn to be myself in relationships, be it friendships or romantic

Write more

Be more complimentary and less critical

Sometimes you need to put yourself first

Sometime confrontation is a necessity or nothing changes

 

And as an amusing side note… I wrote back in 2005 about how much I was uninterested in EVER having to write a Master’s thesis… ah irony!!!