Surprising Rugby Commentary from Mary

*sigh* I just missed Doug Howlett’s first two tries for the All Blacks’ World Cup campaign. The reason I’m watching the World Cup Rugby at all is of course to catch glimpses of Doug Howlett. And the reason I keep missing said tries is because rugby bores me stupid, so I keep zoning out or finding more interesting things to do. On the plus side, every time he scores a try, I can hear the commentator shouting “Ball to Howlett. Oh Howlett is running down the line! Howlett scores!” And by the time I get to the TV, prompted by the repeated shouting of his name, they are showing the try from several different angles in slow motion. Oh lordy. Such a fine speciman of a man, and his rugby shirt is so obscenely tight. Rugby shirts, in general I’m sure, are relatively loose baggy affairs. But you can see the ripple of every muscle beneath his shirt. Every finely toned muscle. And with the running… it’s like watching ballet, I tell you. It is a thing of great beauty.

I, of course, am a lesbian. But I’d switch teams for ol’ Dougie. Uh-huh (OK, I’m having a slightly bendy phase at the moment).

It’s the world cup, and I completely and wearily acknowledge that few other countries on Earth could give half as much of a toss as New Zealand about rugby, and so it’s unlikely that all countries suddenly have an entire channel dedicated to the world cup. But if there are televised matches in your area, watch a match involving New Zealand and you’ll see what I mean. He’s number 14 (coincidentally my lucky number!). New Zealand are also worth watching simply because it’s fun to say Joe Rokokoko’s name. You can go down to the pub, acting all knowledgable, and say (whilst sipping on the obligatory beer and giving the obligatory hitching-up of the pants), “Yeahp, that Joe Rokokoko is certainly one to watch out for. There are few offensive players to match Rokokoko’s skill”. And then giggle at the sound of “Rokokoko” said aloud.

We’re beating Italy 56-7 at this moment, if you’re at all interested. And given that I’m not at all interested and I’m actually watching the match, I’m guessing you couldn’t give a stuff.