Fucking Up and Losing

I really fucked up.

I clung too tightly, terrified of letting her have the freedom I was too afraid to let myself have. I wanted to tie her down, she who would not be contained. And I blamed her. Accused her of self-destructing when she was only expressing what I couldn’t express myself, accused her of having fucked-up priorities when I refused to see the things she felt were important to her. I was angry and hurt when she didn’t behave exactly as I wanted her to.

Now I realise… If I could have allowed her her freedom and granted myself the same. If I could have loved who she was and not tried to change the parts which didn’t suit me. If I could’ve just let go of all those insecurities… She’d have been the once-in-a-lifetime.

Instead I lost her. I acted badly, through fear, and I lost her.