Saturday

I really dislike waking up and not feeling my normal great mood.  Nothing out of the ordinary ever happens to bring this on. I know because I analyze everything and wish that I didn’t do that. I often feel I need an answer why things happen…..like it would make more sense to have a reason.  But when it comes to just waking up to a feeling, I usually can’t figure out why.  My intellectual brain says that there is always so much going on in the body/brain, so therefore there is no one reason why……and it probably be different for each time.

But it makes me feel a little deprived. I like waking up and feeling my normal happy self……and this is like having a day taken away from me. I’m old enough to remember that I’m extremely fortunate to mostly waking up feeling great…..but guess I’m greedy. And if I needed a “day off,” today was a good one for that. We had lots of rain yesterday, and I heard that the mountains got 7′ of snow.  Here in CA, having lots of rain and snow, makes us all very happy and means no drought.  So it was cold, somewhat dreary grey and I had nothing to do that needed doing. My husband was off with his buddies, strolling thru a knife show at the Convention Center. So I could just sit, in my comfy old sweats, relax and read a good book, with 2 large dogs, snoring next to me.

And that’s exactly what I did and it’s always very satisfying. …..and yet that slightly negative mood still hangs around. So I just have to wait it out. As usual, I’ll wake up tomorrow feeling my old regular happy self.  Maybe it’s good to remind myself that I’m very lucky that my normal MO is A Happy Day.

I had such a good week, a couple days with my beloved grandchildren, a great fun day at oil painting class, visited with a friend for coffee and talk……and most importantly, I got to have 4 uninterrupted hours with my daughter, while we shopped and talked. With her 2 young children, we can’t have as much time together as we used to. Or we are constantly interrupted by little people.  We both miss it a lot and when we do get the time, it helps us get thru the weeks w/o being able to be together.

People always tell me how lucky I am to have my daughter live close to me. I always agree but I’m really thinking about all the strategic thought and actions to accomplish that…….and, if I’m being completely honest, maybe some manipulation involved.   The good kind of manipulation…..ways that would help her and her family and still keep them all close to me. What I am lucky with is my son-in-law. We have a good relationship, he’s a great husband and a really good dad.  So together with my close relationship w/my daughter, I get to be really involved with my grandchildren’s lives. I have yet to meet a child I didn’t like but these 2 little ones are the most perfect children ever born……in every way……..or so says their devoted Grandma.

After writing all this out, I can feel my mood lifting a little….so I’ll just look forward to tomorrow and feeling better.