Lost Days

Feel like I lost a month and a half of my life but I’ll happily settle for that as opposed to losing ALL my life.

Long story short: Went to hospital ER mid April when it became obvious that cold/bronchitis was becoming something a lot more serious. Result was double pneumonia and massive invasion of fungus to bronchials and lungs. Placed in an medically induced coma for 8 days, with machines doing what my body used to do on it’s own. No memory of those days at all.

Then brought slowly out of coma, ventilator removed for about 6 hours but back into coma because lungs couldn’t function on their own yet. Infectious Disease doctor and Pulmonary doctor at odds because what works for pneumonia wasn’t good for what works to combat the fungus. Finally kept somewhat sedated but still with ventilator and other various tubes snaking in and out of me for the next 8 days as I continued to heal. With ventilator, I couldn’t talk, couldn’t ask what was going on, or where I was and coping with odd hallucinations from serious meds.

Terry never left me except to go home to feed the dogs. My (6 months)pregnant daughter and her exceptional husband, there, almost all of the time. Fatigue and extreme stress kept her at home for a few hours, then rushing back because what if I didn’t make it through this? Doctors were not predicting recovery yet. Unbelievable amount of cards, flowers, gifts, visits, calls, prayers from friends and loved ones. Somewhat overwhelming to realize how many people consider you to be important in their lives.

My daughter and I are as close as any mother/daughter could possibly be and when I was somewhat aware/awake, I could see the fear in her eyes. I could silently hear her beg me to be ok because little soon-to-be born Max needed to know his grandma and I’m frustrated because I had no voice and only half of a drug-addled brain so no comfort from me to her and that was always part of my job description.

In the hospital for 16 days. Not much of my body worked very well. Needed to learn to walk, lift things, roll over, etc. Hard to speak because even though a child-sized ventilator used, throat and vocal cords painful and swollen.

Been home for couple weeks now, and as of yesterday, feel as if I’ve turned that corner onto Wellness Street. Still need oxygen when I sleep, still tire out easily but capable of lots now.

As we are told, serious illnesses, near-death experiences, etc really do change your perspectives. Who knew that being able to dress yourself would be so rewarding? Still have a long road to travel but I’m getting there. Need to avoid crowds of people due to low immune system but everything is brighter and better now.

Look like an 80 year old crone with excess skin hanging off of my limbs due to big weight loss. Feel like a reptile, losing my skin that continues to flake off all over. But I’m here, gradually becoming an independent person once again and looking forward to being Grandma to little Max sometime in August.