Endings

Lost track of time for awhile. Terry and his dad had to cut their trip a little earlier on Sunday, because Terry’s mom was admitted to the hospital. She’s been suffering, and I do mean, suffering from Parkinson’s for many years now. All you could feel was enormous pity for this woman trapped in this body that couldn’t do anything, literally anything. The doctors had told my father in law that it appeared that the final stages were approaching and that would be when there was so much deep congestion in her bronchial tubes and lungs that could no longer be aspirated. All they could do was give her morphine when she was in the throes of gagging to help her relax.

When Terry arrived home, we went to the hospital, as did the rest of the family. As soon as I saw her, I recognized the “look” on her face. I had seen that same look on my mother and father soon before they died and I knew that it wouldn’t be long. I was not very close to my mother in law, nor was anyone. she was not an easy person to like but seeing this poor woman’s face and fragile body brought tears to my eyes.

Her body had begun to reject the feeding tube and liquids and sleep was her main activity. All the same signs I had seen with my parents. Until my parents and son died, I had had very little experience with death so it impacted me greatly.
My father in law made the decision to bring her home, knowing that she had very little time left. He has had numerous nurses, health care workers and a housekeeper for years now so he felt she’d prefer to be at home.
All of us in the family spent many, many hours at their house. Terry’s dad often called him around 5 AM to come and keep him company so Terry really had no time whatsoever to recover from jet lag and adjust to the time change but being there for his dad was his priority. Which is one of those reasons that makes Terry such a great guy.

sometime, during the time Terry was away, I started having serious aches and pain in my sinus region and at times, felt that all my teeth ached also. I’m so used to healing quickly that I just ignored it as much as I could, swallowing huge amounts of Advil. We were trying to spend as much time as possible with Terry’s parents.
Wednesday afternoon, I had gone to art class then returned home to eat more Advil, take a short nap and then left to go to the in law’s house. The urge to go there was something I couldn’t ignore.

The hospice nurse had explained everything possible that would happen as the time grew near, but stating that with some people, who they call “fighters” , like Terry’s mom, it’s more difficult to predict.
Soon one of the nurses came running out to the hospice nurse saying her breathing was becoming increasingly shallow and he said “this is it.”

I have always had a huge terrifying fear of dead bodies. I have never seen one and I always thought the worse thing would be to be with someone when they died. I have no idea whatsoever why I’ve had this fear, maybe some old movie I’d seen when young, who knows? but it was there and really strong at that moment. Everyone rushed into the bedroom where she was. I wanted to run out the front door but sort of slapped myself, saying it wasn’t about ME and I walked into the dimly lit room. My father in law was on one side of her, holding her as best as he could. Terry was next to him, holding his mom’s hand.
On her other side was my ex sister in law, holding her other hand. I went and sat next to her, held my sister in law’s hand with my mother in law’s hand in between the two of our hands and I felt strangely calm. Very soon the hospice nurse told us that she was gone. And I wasn’t scared or freaked out. I found it to be peaceful and full of love and caring for others. No scary ghosts appeared, no creepy music played, just us being with her as she left this place.
Of course, I’ve cried buckets of tears. As I said, she was a difficult woman to like, let alone love but a lot of my tears were for the incredible love her husband had for her, another great trait that Terry inherited. But I cried for her release from this prison, for my parents, for my son, for everyone who is no longer with us.

My father in law seems to be doing ok. I know he’ll go up and down with his emotions, we all do and hopefully, we’ll be there when he needs us.

The pain and agony in my sinuses became even worse, and luckily, I was able to see my doctors’ PA on Saturday morning. Severe sinus infection. I’ve spent most of the weekend, sleeping the days away, and am hoping that by tomorrow, I’ll be more improved. Can’t remember having anything with such huge constant pain but I’ve turned the corner and am on the road to wellness again.

I’m so glad that Terry had this trip with his dad last week. They became so close and enjoyed their time together so much. Sometimes it’s hard for fathers and sons to really let their emotions out and this was a gift that Terry will always have. And I see that it will continue to just get better and they’ll be able to spend more time together. Terry fell in love with the wood working/turning at the convention. His father began this hobby soon after he retired and has produced some fabulous pieces. It’s become a running joke between us that I’m always trying to get more of his finished projects. I actually have a couple shelves full of his work and refer to it as my Shrine To Ed. He really does fantastic work and now Terry plans to take up the hobby and they’ll work together. How great is that for a father and son???!!! A priceless gift, to be sure.