Life is weird…

Let me start off by saying that I am happy in my new relationship. I love my boyfriend he’s the best thing that has ever happened to me after my toxic ex-boyfriend left me which, to be honest, I’m glad that he did leave me even tho it hurt me so much. It left this huge scar on my heart. I’m trying to try to explain how it made me feel but I just don’t know-how like it felt like someone took my heart ripped it out and stomped on it and not just that it felt like you enjoyed doing that to me. You seemed happy about it like you were saying finally I get to break her heart and just leave her stranded for life. I don’t care about her  I never did so why should I care what I do to her. This breakup killed me, I got anxiety and panics attacks from it and you didn’t care when I told you how I felt I showed you a video of me balling out crying and you made me feel like shit for it like if my pain and sorrows didn’t matter to you… That post from last night killed me Because you were so willing to post someone else on your story with knowing her for 3 weeks but never posted me on our 9-month relationship. Every day my heartaches it feels like its being ripped out of my chest. I’m scared of giving my now boyfriend a chance to spoil me even tho he wants to. He seems to love me a lot but I’m scared of him one day just saying I no longer love you and just walk out like you did. He bought me a promise ring already which you promised me for 9 months and never did. I’m gonna write you a goodbye letter this might help me move on.

Dear Michael thank you for showing me that you can be so good to a person but if the other person doesn’t love you then they won’t care. I thought that by doing everything you wanted me to do will make you stay with me. I thought that by you telling me that you loved me I thought that you actually did, but hey you got what you wanted from me even tho I would tell you that I was scared of you leaving me after doing it with Me but you promised me that you wouldn’t because you were “different” you even promised me that we were gonna get married so that I would stop worrying about it. But anyways I wish you all the best things in life… thank you for breaking me so bad that I am now afraid of giving this good guy a chance. You broke me in so many ways that I didn’t know it was possible… Even tho you didn’t love me you still said you did, and even after breaking up with me you still hurt me so bad. And I was still gonna let you come back cause you wanted another chance at making me happy which you never did. I’m sorry but I can’t go back to you my heart is not gonna let me do it. So I will now leave myself to fix all of the shattered pieces that you left in my heart, all of the holes you left in my heart. All of the anxiety and the depression you left, all of those times that I just wanted to take a razor and slit my wrist and just bleed out till I wasn’t here anymore. But all I wanted was an escape from the pain you caused me but I couldn’t find anything. But that how life is extremely weird… 

~The enchantment