Not long to go!

The females in this house are becoming excited.

Because there’s not long to go now (5 weeks).

Despite mucho aches and pains, backache, urine infections, headaches and constant indigestion we are ready.

And have gone from lickle wee bump to ….. actually pretty neat big bump.

It’s quite funny hearing her at night now.  She’s still sleeptalking quite a lot but it’s frequently interspersed with moans and groans as her body has to negotiate a turnover procedure in bed or something cramps up or babe decides to do some trampolining in the middle of the night!  Hilarious.

When I was doing my person-centred counselling training I remember being really impressed with the ideas of Carl Rogers one of which was that the relationship between therapist and client is extremely important for therapy to work.  When trust is eventually established, the essence of something else kicks in – something indefinable – but something very significant to the whole process.

I completely agree.

As I mentioned previously, Nikki’s OCD spiralled when she became pregnant and the ante-natal unit offered support with this or at least a monitoring process throughout the pregnancy.

OCD is really all about control.  It’s an anxiety state in the main and – I believe – a coping mechanism when you cannot deal very easily with what life throws at you i.e. you don’t feel in control of the big stuff so you overdo the control of the small stuff.  It’s not really to do with what’s happening to you but your reaction to what’s happening to you or your circumstances – how you cope and your emotional state as you go along.

Being pregnant is, in a sense, a classic very out of control situation – there’s only so much you can do to ensure the safety of a baby and your body very much feels out of control as it changes and adapts to accommodate the baby so it can be a worrying time.

The first person Nikki saw was a senior nurse practitioner not widely versed in OCD which she admitted and we were fine with that.  In every organisation there has to be an assessment process initially.  She referred her to a Psychiatrist, Dr. Sclare, whom she gelled with immediately.  We could tell he knew what he was talking about – a very astute guy and he was the only person to pick up that outwardly she appeared calm and confident and able to cope but inside there was a lot of angst going on – she’s just got good at hiding it well.  He got her to open up in a natural way and he also made me feel very comfortable which is no mean feat in these situations.  Because Nikki won’t go to any of these things on her own I’m always in there with her and feel like a spare part most of the time, never knowing where to look.  If I look at the therapist it would probably look like I was watching her like a hawk being an overprotective mother, if I look at Nikki I’m worried it puts pressure on her, if I look at the floor it would probably look like I was totally disinterested!

So if I get drawn into the conversation in a natural way it makes it much easier all round.  And sometimes I’m glad I’m there.  This morning at an appointment she was asked if both her mum and dad worked when she was very small and she said yes!  I quietly interjected and informed her I didn’t go back to work until she was more than 4!  And then she hesitated when asked each time she was ill and had to come home from school did she go home or go somewhere else?  Looked to me for confirmation if you please!!  I really wanted to say where else did you think you flipping well went??

So I suppose I’m quite useful for putting the record straight but I always feel awkward when they start with the family history questions feeling I’m more of a hindrance sat there.  However I do offer to go outside but she never wants me to.

Anyway Dr. Sclare said he would refer us to a Pychologist and mentioned Aileen someone and when he sent us a copy of his evaluation report letter it was addressed to ‘Aileen’ therefore we thought the next organised appointment would be with her.  And when the appointment letter came there was nothing in it to suggest otherwise.

When we met her she didn’t introduce herself so again we thought this must be ‘Aileen’.

She was awful.

Kept us waiting for 10 minutes in the room while she read the notes then proceeded to ask Nikki everything she’d already been asked twice, the answers to which were in the notes.  She spoke like a textbook and kept focussing on Nikki’s rituals, asking her what she did and, save for 2 or 3, she couldn’t remember.  Which is a really common feature of OCD – it becomes so much a part of you and so habitual that you’re not really conscious of what you do on a daily basis and it’s very difficult to separate it all out.

Anyway Nikki was really angry and dispirited afterwards – so much so that when another appointment letter came in she wrote to Dr. Sclare and asked if it was possible to see him instead explaining the reasons.

Nope – no can do.  Worth a try though.  So we confirmed the second appointment and decided to make the best of it.

Then another letter comes from a very confused psychologist called Aileen who had seen the letter sent to Dr. Sclare but wasn’t sure what was going on because she hadn’t actually met us yet!

We therefore haven’t a clue who it was we saw the third time but were just so relieved we weren’t seeing her again that we got back to Aileen saying we would be at the next appointment.

First three appointments were at the Ante-Natal clinic at the Maternity Hospital.  This one was at the adult Psychology Unit at Cornhill – completely different hospital.  Except no-one had thought to mention it.  We therefore had that appointment cut short by 30 minutes while we hot-footed it to the right place so by the time we got in and settled we only had around 20 minutes with the Psychologist.  But at least it was Aileen this time.

And so for the fifth time Nikki has gone through her story this morning leaving her drained and depressed for pretty much the rest of the day.  It makes me so mad.  I wonder if these professionals realise how much guts it takes to bare your soul and show your worst weaknesses in front of a total stranger – far less four of them in as many months?  Especially as there are prolific notes taken each time – but no-one ever seems to read them.

If she’d been able to continue with Dr. Sclare she would have had a couple of appointments under her belt by now and probably would have made some progress lessening the stress a bit.

Oh well I suppose we should be grateful the support is there in the first place and that it’s free.

And at least she didn’t have to go back to work as she’s only working mornings this week and had a midwife appointment after the hospital so afterwards we went for a wander round Mothercare to cheer her up!  And babe put on an acrobat display for us both in the evening doing her bit to lift the mood ….. good on the wee tyke.

Can’t wait to meet her.