Maybe I am idiot but I am not stupid

Hello World!
I am still alive and getting pretty better.
But I am burned out.
I am not strong enough to live, fight with illnesses, study and keeping my diet. 🙁
I need break…
I know that I write about it every time and that it’s probably really boring but believe me I don’t care.
I don’t care about anything…
On Tuesday was Maciek’s competition…
He probably won’t be one of winners ;/ shit!
His mother things that it’s because of me!
yeap… Of course,
I am so bad girl and I make her son being bad too.

On Thursday’s PE one of girls from 3F (general profile with Germany) class makes me so fuckin’ angry.
She just had it in for me. Stupid bitch…
She started to call me stupid, idiot, bitch, whore, moron, swot (I don’t know how idiot can be swot, but OK) etc
I didn’t care until we were on gym, but when after lesson we were going to dressing room, she started taking off my shoes by her foot and said:
-Move your bony ass, bitch!
I was really angry about her, it was enough for me.
She and big part of girls from 3rd F (maybe 2 or 3 are normal) were screaming and shouting during the whole matches.
I felt really bad this day, my lungs and backbone were in big pain and I wanted to go home.
I felt tears in my eyes. I understood that I can do only two things:
a) start crying and make her feel good that she made swot crying.
b) tell her what I think about her and brake my rule that I don’t swear.
But when I was thinking she said:
-Bitch is deaf! She doesn’t hear when I tell her to move this fucking, ugly, bony ass!
I turned to see her face, I knew that when teacher hear it I would have a problem. Everyone was looking at me, my eyes were so moist. I looked on her painted (it’s not make-up it’s second face!) face and asked:
-Fuck! Have you any stupid problem, fucking whore?
Girls were like:
-Ooo! She (me) is going to have problem…
But R. screamed:
-People look at her! What a bitch! Fuck! She think she can talk to me. I will brake her glasses! Fuck, and move your ass bitch! 
-What a bitch you are! Stupid whore! You think you can shout at me without punishment? Fuck off me and my friends. And please go! Move your ugly ass and big foots! 
One tear fall down my face. I was so angry.
I was shaking. But I started laughing so loud!
And another girls from class DE (Match-IT profile) too.
Anny asked:
-Gosia, if you want I can lend you my new Doc Martens!
And Iga said:
-No! I my will be better! I have bigger size!
And R. was like:
-Stupid bitch has ADHD! Fuck! Just look at her! Idiot!
And I said in English:
-Maybe I am idiot but I am not stupid.
Put my clothes on, and go to school.
I was still so angry.
Maciek looked at me and:
-What happened?
-Stupid, fucking, idiot bitch made me so fucking angry. How much I hate this ugly whore…
-Hey! Come down! Honey…
Tear fall down my face again.
-She is so stupid.
He hugged me strong, and kiss my head.
-Easy, she is not there.
-She has second PE now- I said it to his chest. -It’s going to be fun if she found me.
-You are safe darling.
Then was Polish I told him about everything.
Rest of day was OK.
She was just screaming in hall when she saw me or another girl from my class:
-Oh Gooooodddd!!!
But when I came back home I started crying. I hugged Tekla (green spider from Maciek) and lie down in my bed.

I was sad that I broke my rule.
I commit a big sin!
I NEVER swear!
Feel bad with it…
Need confession!

Today two amazing hours with Maciek on swimming pool. 
And his words:
Three words eight letters ^.^

Have to go and take painkiller.
Backbone hurts me so much… -.-”
On Monday start next rehabilitation… pfff….
Bye bye.

Send You love from my rainy town!

Mood: also pretty depressed
Music: A Day To Remember – All I want
Pic: Maciek’s eye by me 😀