I am and will be there for you

 I am in depression. Not good. I am doing bad and I am not in mood to do anything different to sleeping or lying in my bed. I wish I could do anything about that. I feel like I am falling down, down and down. And that it’s getting harder to come back every day. 

Every second is making me falling deeper in the hole. 
Every second of falling means that there will be no rescue. 

Yesterday I talked to Maciek about that. It was good. He said I am strong woman and I can go through it and came back to good times. He added that he will be next to me to hug me, hold my hand and help, if I need it. But he is sure I can do it. Unfortunately I am not so sure about that. I am doing so bad. Weather is still bad and I just don’t know what to do. It’s raining there all the time. I wish I were in sunny place now. I wish I had no school. I wish… I were healthy and happy. I wish Maciek was there in my room. Just sitting and reading his books and notes. He doesn’t have to do anything special. I would be so happy if we were living together. I just love to be hugged and hate staying away from it. 

I have to concentrate on breathing. 
Air in…
And out…
In…
Out…
Breathing is getting so difficult for me. My lungs don’t like me. But they like this wet air, I guess. When I do the physiotherapy I feel that the mucus comes off, but I have problems with coughing it up. It hurts so bad, but mucus doesn’t come out. Sometimes it does, but it’s so painful and doesn’t happen often. I am afraid about that. 

I hate those moments, when I am lying next to Maciek, there is no one else at home. And this beautiful silence is damaged by my stomach and lungs, which are so noisy. He tells that it doesn’t matter… But I know it does…

I have to go. Prepare for Polish classes. It is high time to get up from bed (9:30PM) and do anything. 

PS
Do You have any ideas what to do, to became happy?