Stuff

Just want to write about nothing in particular. I’m feeling a little manic at the moment. Feeling good.

Things bobbing around in my head:

Being an older mom – I’m a bit unique – but not so very unique

L – back in my thoughts

Vacation – expectations or not?

D – teenage girl on the cusp of high school

L – boyhood and all it’s boy-ness

When do we take the kids to their mother country?

I don’t know if I’ll expand on all of these things right now or not. But I’ll start with “vacation”. My last entry was all about the disappointment and anger (and whining) about H letting me down regarding our anniversary trip. Well he definitely felt my silent wrath. We talked it through a bit. Landed on approximately the same page and we formed a plan. We are going to Europe for a few days at the end of Aug. I’m very excited about it. I want to do it college-student-on-summer-break-style. Just backpack and train rides. No hostels though. We’re a little too grown up for that. It will be airb&b’s for us. Our flights are all set. Now we just need to pick a few destinations within a train ride of each other and go explore. It’s all about scenery and history for us. I am grateful that we have the means to do this. I am grateful for being married to H for 20 years and being able to celebrate this way.  I am grateful for my family taking care of D & S while we are away.

“Old mom” – I brought D home when I was just shy of 40. And S home at 42. By today’s standards that is not terribly old. But I kind of feel older when I am around my kids friends parents. Some are 10+ years younger than H and I. We hold our own though. Some have become good friends. I think we add perspective to each other’s lives. And I might add that often times people have a hard time believing we are in our 50’s.  I’ll take that.

L has seeped back in. I have resisted the urge to contact him. I’m listening to a book that is reminding me of him so much. But it’s is all fantasy. Just as our relationship was a fantasy. I would love to see him again without wanting him. He is a very interesting person. But I know we wouldn’t be able to get past…..our past. And that would just be bad for everyone.

That’s all I have time for today.

Love and light to all!