Say what?

It’s a damn good thing I read my own words about “growing in love” with H over the years. Because I am very angry and disappointed at the moment. (Let me stop here for a second and say that this entry contains the first-world-problem whining of a middle aged, middle class woman). A few months ago I was very touched that H suggested we do something to celebrate our 20 years together this year. But here we are down to the wire and not doing a damn thing. I did some research on Europe. He did some research on Europe. I arranged for the kids to be taken care of – which is the biggest obstacle. Yesterday he says to me – how about instead of Europe we go to San Diego and rent a car and drive up the coast? I just gave him a blank look and said “sure”.  In my head I am saying ‘are you fucking kidding me’? I eventually said no that is not what I want to do. I can’t even continue to write about this. There is such a complex web of emotions involved. It is situations like this that I realize how sorely we are in need of counseling. We just don’t communicate effectively. We just don’t.