Mental round-about

I’m finding ways to waste my time this morning. Like this. I got to my desk at 8:00. I think that’s the earliest this week. I was full of hope that I could continue the momentum I built in the last hour of the work day yesterday. Not happening so far. I asked boss a question that I have been meaning to ask all week. And only because he was passing my desk. Hey he’s a busy guy.~~~H was short tempered with S last night. I just sat back – didn’t jump in the middle – and tried to smooth things out. I think H jumps to conclusions about S’s moods. He needs to just sit back and let S be. S wasn’t being disrespectful or anything like that. He was just not engaging and H took that as S’s disinterest in anything H suggested. H took it personally in other words. It wasn’t about him. It was about S’s mind being in too many places at the time. Speaking of which – time to take my pill.~~~OK I’m back. Just did 1 work thing. Now on to another. 2^nd work thing done. Here’s a question: What can I do to make myself have a sense of urgency about work items? Usually the thing that lights a fire under me is when I get call out on something that I have not done. Why is that? That has been my M.O. for my whole career. In some cases it has cost me my job. Do I enjoy being scolded like a child? Maybe I do. Maybe that’s the kind of attention I want. At the same time – I get myself all worked up when I know something is going to go down. I scramble. Try to fix. Try to make excuses. It’s a really mentally unhealthy cycle.