Just weekend stuff

What to write, what to write, what to write……I’m avoiding work…..as usual. We are coming up on the anniversary of my sister’s death. I always get anxious this time of year. It’s been 3 years now. I am grateful for the lessons I learned in losing her. Invaluable. I still can’t help asking why it has to be this way. But it just is. And no amount of asking why will change that. I dearly love all the people in my life. Even those with whom I do not see eye to eye.

Friday was a beautiful day. I stayed at work longer than I should have but I was trying to make up some hours from being out on Tuesday. I’m still short of my 32 hours for last week, but I don’t really care. I went to Home Depot after work to find some edging for my gardens. I got a roll of one kind, but I don’t think I like it. So back it goes. Saturday was a washout for most of the day. H, the kids and I volunteered for the Special Olympics regional volleyball. We helped hand out lunches and did a little cheering on of the teams. Was a nice experience for all of us. After that we went to lunch at a little local place nearby. Once we arrive back home the weather cleared a little and I went for a much needed run. S went to a sleepover on Sat nite. D, H and I watched the Bridge to Terebithia. What a terrible and unexpected turn of events! D and I sobbed!

Yesterday D wanted to teach me math – or rather she wanted to reteach me the math that I learned more than 30 years ago. I humored her and sat through homework with her. There is really nothing that I can help her with but she wanted me there and that was all that mattered. I did the problems that she wanted me to do with some success and some failure. I was so disinterested but I did my best to be engaged. I think she just likes knowing that she is better that mom at something. And that is just fine by me. Confidence can come from anywhere. At one point – and this is common – she got frustrated with me and shut down. Her answers to my questions reduced to grunts and shrugs. I called her out on that and said I wouldn’t sit with her if that was the way she was going to act. She brightened up a little.

I felt myself slipping into the darkness yesterday afternoon. My patience level was getting very low. I am out of my EPO supplement and I need to up my soy intake. I was tired of policing the rambunctious boys in and out of my house and tired of dragging D out of her “cave”. I did some yard work – pulled weeds, prepped pots and beds. D begrudgingly helped. For his part S had to fold laundry after he returned home from playing in the neighborhood all day. And he gave me a hard time about it. OMG I just wanted to punch something. But I didn’t. I raised my voice a bit. Tried to remain calm and remember that they are tweens. They have a lot of learning to do and H and I have a lot of teaching to do.