Things that made this last month better:

– I have settled on a precise plan to get to the next chapter of my life so I don’t have to wonder all day wtf I’m gonna do and being in the office is more bearable.

– I have seen with my own eyes that my boss is crazy with literally everyone.

– Having a therapist encourages me to rationalize what happens to me in real time so that I know what to say for the next session.

– I couldn’t drink a lot cause it made me tired and nauseous very quickly.

– I understood that my body and mind were made to have a very small diversity of tasks to carry in one day. What is overdue, is overdue.

– I made peace with the fact that I would only complete about one artwork a week and one track every other week as long as I have day job.

– I’m working towards maintaining my passion for music above all.

 

Things that could make next month even better:

 

– Reviewing the list above.

– Making real groceries instead of saving so much in that area.

– Accepting the fact that I no longer like mcdonalds, club sandwiches and kebab so the impulse is obsolete. Generally speaking I am technically past the big part of my eating disorders and it looks like I carry them on out of habit.

– Re-incrementing stillness times such as my candle light reads and free walks (deactivating fear of emptiness)

– Writing 2bear?

 

Things that are sitting in the unlit part of my mind right now:

 

– I had some insomnia this week and even if I’m not too worried it seems like severe sleep deprivation is making me feel strange things at times. Like “emotional hallucinations”. Ghost feelings. Solution: do a bit pleasurable activities than work for a few days and eat more real food as to not add one deprivation to another. Keep using guided meditation at night.

– I still have a hard time picturing my pets in their cage and still haven’t found a way to let them out safely on the daily.

That’s it I guess? Pretty good.