Attempt at mourning living people

Dear L.

You were absolutely perfect. Thank you. You made my life beautiful for two years and even before. I’m sorry for letting you down getting in the club on your 16th birthday when you couldn’t get in. Thank you for forgiving me so fast for no reason. I bet you were hurt. I miss you and I love you. I’m so glad I met you.

Dear A.

You are so fun and so unique. You are always yourself no matter what. Thank you for having been such a good friend, always so gentle with me. I hope your adult life makes you happy and not too stressed out. I love you and I miss you.

Dear Jo.

You’re the best. I love the memory of you more with each passing year. You don’t even know I love you. I was a cunt. I don’t know why I didn’t spend more time with you. I’m sorry for projecting my insecurities onto you and being mean. Thank you for never making me feel that you resented me. Thank you for calling me out of the blue two years back. I will get back to you soon and if I get the chance to talk to you, I will apologize.

Dear H.

I always recall your gestures of love. You took so much joy in taking care of me. I’m glad I got the chance to be by your side and make you smile when you were mourning your dad. I loved you so much. Where did you go? I’m sorry for visiting a boy on the night you were having a breakup instead of staying with you. I bet you were hurt. That was worse than I like to remember. I always brush it aside. Honestly, I should’ve done better.

Dear JC.

I’m still mad at you. I think you breaking away was a big waste for both of us. Now I don’t think you were that good of a person.

Dear N.

I love you. I’m hurting, I’m feeling shame. I wanted to spend time with you and was always imagining all the things we could do together. I look up to you. Thanks to you I could explore some sides of me that were dormant and I think that’s great. I hope you’re alright. If you want to get back to me, I’ll be happy to answer always. But I don’t feel comfortable initiating for now, and I want to willingly stop myself from doing so because you scare me a little.