I Don’t Have Anything, If I Don’t Have You

Surveys are much better than writing real, true entries. Stolen from Tikvah.

1. This survey gets a little personal; can you handle it?
I’m sure.

2. If you married the last person you texted, what would your last name be?
McKenze.

3. Were you happy when you woke up today?
I was slightly perplexed.  I had a weird dream before I woke up, one that I think I want to record into a story.  I dreamt that I was an assassin and I was working for one group and was talking with someone who was working in the group that was against mine.  He was a younger man, probably just barely old enough to join the organization, and I was trying to talk him out of it.  Very odd.

4. When were you on the phone last? And with who?
I was on the phone a few hours ago with Scott.

7. What are you excited for?
Finishing the novel that I’ve been working on.  I’m so close to finished.

8. What were you doing yesterday?
Playing Fallen Earth and Left 4 Dead.

9. Honestly, who was the last person to tell you they love you?
Scott.

10. What’s the last thing you put in your mouth?
A pizzone from Pizza Hut.

11. Have a best friend?
I have a few really good friends who I treasure.  Don’t really have a _best_ friend.

12. Are you scared to fall in love?
Nah, not really.  I’ve fallen in love before, and while it brought me a lot of heartbreak, it brought me even more joy and understanding and love.

13. Do you think teenagers can be in love?
I think so.  I was a teenager when I fell in love with one of my best friends, and I still love him to this very day.

14. Last person you wanted to punch in the face?
Gloria.  ::nod:: Definitely Gloria.

15. What time is it right this second?
8:21 pm

16. What do you want right now?
To have my story finished and printed out, to go potty, and to get a backrub.

17. Who was the last person you took a picture with?
My mom, sister, and brother at the Thanksgiving dinner at Thomas’ bro

18. Are you single/taken/heartbroken/or confused?
Taken and confused?  I think that’d about sum it up.

19. When was the last time you cried?
Not too long ago?  I think I cried a little in frustration yesterday when Matt and i had our not-fight, but other than that, it had to be a couple days, maybe a week ago.

20. Do you have a good relationship with your parents?
I do with my mom.  She’s somewhere between a best friend and a parent to me.  My dad.. well… We’re currently not speaking.  He went crazy a couple years ago and attacked my sister and me.  I haven’t spoken to him since, but for a couple times.  I actually haven’t spoken to him in about a year or so, at the very least… and I’m almost feeling guilty about that.

21. Do you find it hard to trust other people?
I do.  I can trust them with superficial stuff, but the real parts of my self, I have a hard time entrusting to anyone.  I seem to adopt a “they’re going to let me down, so I can’t trust them” attitude.

22. How fast does your mind change?
Depends.  On some subjects it can change easily, but if it’s something that I think is important to me, I try hard not to change it on a dime.

23. I bet you miss somebody right now.
I miss Ben.  I could use him to rant to today.

24. Can you honestly say you’re okay right now?
I’m as okay as I usually am this time of year?  I try not to think about it, in all honesty.

25. Why do you think so many people cheat?
Because there’s something that they’re not getting from their partner that they need, and they may not know how to ask for it.

26. Tell me what’s on your mind?
I’m tired, my back is sore, I’m in a mood where I don’t know what I want to do, and I need to get this damned story finished.

27. What are you looking forward to in the next three months?
Finishing up this story so I can start the editing process, seeing if my aunt does come up this way.

28. Have you ever worn the opposite sex’s clothing?
Yup.

29. When did you last talk to your best friend from primary school?
I didn’t have a best friend in primary school.  I didn’t have anyone I considered a ‘best’ friend until secondary skill, and I haven’t talked to her since 2002 or so.

30. When is your next road trip?
End of next month, if my aunt decides to come up this way.

31. Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell anything to?
Yeah.  Scott says I can tell him anything, and I don’t doubt I can, but if I want feedback, or I want to rant and rave and scream, I throw myself at Ben and let loose… he takes care of me when I’m manic.

32. How’s your heart?
Pretty strong. I eat oatmeal every morning.

33. Have you ever felt like you weren’t important?
Yesterday, and quite a few times before that.  It’s hard remembering that I actually mean something to others.

34. Do you think somebody’s in love with you?
I think so.  Scott is, or at least is infactuated with me, and I think that Ben is too, even though he’s too scared and bullheaded to admit it.

35. What are you planning on doing after this?
Going to get the rest of my story finished, change the clothing over, and then take a shower… all before bed.

36. Next time you will kiss someone?
Soon? I don’t know.

37. Have you told anybody you loved them today?
Yes, daily.

38. Who do you not get along with?
Sometimes I don’t get along with the women at my work?  I don’t know.  I don’t particularly “not get along” with very many people, either I get along with them well enough most of the time, or I ignore them.

39. What does your 3rd recent text say?
Texts that I sent?  “Good!” “I’m glad ::hugs tight::” and “I love you.”

40. What are you wearing right now?
Black jeans, slippers, and a short sleeved teal shirt.

41. You’re locked in a room with the person you last kissed, how is it?
Mostly comfortable, with him doing his thing, me doing mine, and both of us acutely aware of each other in a not-uncomfortable way.

42. When’s the last time you had a grilled cheese?
Uuhmm… a week or so ago?  Momma made them for dinner on one of her nights to cook.

43. What’s your fave boy and girl name right now?
Brandon and Makani.  Brandon named after a good friend of mine, and Makani’s Hawaiian for “Wind”

44. How do you usually feel when you wake up?
Tired and sometimes weirded out.

45. Do you wish someone would call or text you right now?
I could use the companionship.

46. D

o you crack your knuckles?
Yup.

47. What were you doing yesterday at midnight?
Talking to Carri and working on my story, after playing L4D

48. What are your initials?
CMK

49. Who’s the first B in your contacts?
“Bluehaze Shay”  – a friend from WoW

50. When was the last time you laughed really hard?
Last night while playing Left 4 Dead.  I respawned with 1 hitpoint left and Carri was playing with her shot gun and shot me.  I died.

52. Last awkward moment?
Trying to explain to Matt that I wasn’t upset because he was dating someone, after he childed me for being childish.

53. Are you afraid of the dark?
No, not really. I’m afraid of the silence.

54. Do you have good vision?
Nope, blind as a bat without my glasses, pretty much.

55. Have you ever tripped someone?
Not recently?

56. Have you ever slapped someone?
Not recently.  I remember slapping my brother years ago and spraining my finger.

57. Are you Irish?
Nope, Hawaiian.

58. Do you use chap stick?
I use quite a few different types, still looking for a good one.

59. Do you have any scars?
I have a smallpox vaccine scar on my left shoulder.

60. Is there someone you will never forgive?
I think there’s a few people that I don’t think I’ll ever forgive.

61. Are you dating the person you last held hands with?
No, I’m not.

62. Name the last person to text you?
Scott.

63. Would you marry someone 8 years older than you?
Depends on how well we mesh and how old we are.  30 and 38 feels a lot smaller than 24 and 32.

64. Can you go in public looking like you do?
Yeah, I don’t see why not.

65. Have you ever kissed someone whose name started with a J?
I don’t believe so.  I can’t think of anyone with a name that starts with a J that I kissed.

66. What side of the bed do you sleep on?
Left side if I’m alone, right side if I’m with someone.

67. What’s the first thing you’ll do on your wedding day?
I don’t know, I’ve never really thought about getting married.

68. What’s one huge pet peeve?
People who use txt speak while gaming or in a conversation where it doesn’t belong.

69. Has anyone put their arms around you in the past 5 days?
No.

70. Do you miss the way things used to be?
Yeah, I do.  But in some ways, the way things are now is a lot better.

71. Has anyone ever told you they’re in love with you?
Yes.

72. Song you’re thinking of right now?
The Haunting (Somewhere in Time) – Kamelot  (Somewhere in time I will find you and haunt you again…)

73. Want someone back in your life?
Yes.  Although, I think it’s best for both of us that it’s how it is.

74. Will tomorrow be better than today?
Possibly? I hope so, at least.

75. What’s the color of the shirt you are wearing?
Tealish?

76. Has anyone ever sung or played music for you personally?
No, but my friend Holly said she thought the song “Superman” by Five for Fighting reminded her of me.  Does that count?

77. Does it bother you when someone lies to you?
Of course.

78. Is there anyone who understands your relationship status?
I’m sure there’s someone out there who would understand without any real trouble.

79. Are you a naturally happy person? Or is your happiness forced?
Most of the time I’m morose, or at least contemplative.  But there are times when I don’t have to force happiness.

80. Is there anyone you wish would fall in love with you?
He’s already in love with me, I think.  He’s just in denial because he doesn’t want to me.  I just want him to admit it and to admit that it wouldn’t be a fate worse than death.

 

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