Holy Bajesus, Batman!

Didn’t realize it’s been this long since I’ve written…

 I would have written sooner, but I haven’t been in much of a social mood lately.  In fact, I think it’s pretty fair to say that I’ve been avoiding people, or at least trying to, as much as possible.  This doesn’t mean that I haven’t doing my games, but I think that’s the most interaction I’ve been having with people.

Literally.  Outside of work (where I Really don’t interact with anyone) and the games that I have to be a part of (since it’d be kind of hard to have a RIFTs game when your GM has decided to hide under a rock) I haven’t had the urge to talk to anyone.  And the few times I did try to have an extended conversation with other people ended up bad. 
 
Scott’s been calling to talk and I’ve been ignoring my phone when he calls.  I feel kind of bad about it, but abstractly.  We’re not dating any more so I don’t have to feel like I should feel bad… and I just don’t want to end up sitting there with nothing to say and with him not talking.  That drives me nuts – when someone calls just for the act of calling and just kind of sits there with nothing to say.  
 
I’m irritable.  Really irritable and snapish.  Jim’s tried to pull me out of it, and when I refused to take the bait (he was interrupting my Fallout 3 time and didn’t believe me when I told him that I wasn’t wanting to talk to anyone) he tried to use really poor psychology to pull me out of my anti-socialness.  He said something that just rubbed me the wrong way and I told him to bugger off and leave me alone.  He didn’t take it well.  He doesn’t understand that I hate being pushed.  I hate feeling like I _have_ to do something.  I’m one of those types who never can be told to talk about their fears and troubles.  I like coming to it in my own way.  I had a good friend who was an excellent listener… I loved having him around when I was upset about something, or when I was feeling anti social or had a lot on my mind.  He used to sit down and wait.  Just sit with me and watch T.V. or something, and eventually I’d spill all the things that’s going on in my mind… I have to feel safe, unpressured… and Jim feels that if he’s not constantly poking and proding then he’s not a good friend.  Even though I’ve told him otherwise.  Quite a few times, actually.  
 
I’m still playing a lot of Fallout 3.  In fact, I’m currently about halfway through the main game.. well, yeah, I’m 40 or so hours into it, about halfway through the main quest line, but I’ve spent the last weekend just exploring and finding new places.  I’ve also finally figured out how to get the expansions working… I had to put it down for a while because Operation: Anchorage is pissing me off something fierce.  I think I’m going to go back to the main game when I finally get through that. ::shakes her head:: I wish I could just kill the AI and be done with it.
 
This week’s going to be a good one.  Monday’s the Freeform game, and I hope I have things planned out good there.  Friday’s a double header – going out to the hibatchi steak house after work with Andu, Izzy, Podling and Momma.  And then after we finish that, I have my RIFTs game at 8pm.  Bob has to work on Wednesday, so we moved it to Friday.  Which reminds me, I need to make sure the guys know that we’re moving the game.  ::makes a note:: 
 
I’m tired.  I think I’m going to go and watch Bones or maybe Sweeny Todd or something.  Whee.  I want to get some writing done to show off… but that seems to be waiting.