Hateful
He’s being so damned hateful tonight. Hate filled toward himself and hateful towards everyone else, especially me.
I didn’t mean to make him go off today. I didn’t mean for it at all. All I wanted was to be good. That’s all. I wanted to get him something that i knew he’d like to eat, so that he could eat later, since he wasn’t hungry now. That’s all I wanted to do…
Instead, he blew up at me and badly too.
Screaming, yelling, threatening suicide. I took as much of it as I could and then my mouth opened and the same came back up.. well almost the same. I yelled back at him, told him I was tired of the shit and tired of him. I demanded that he find a place to go and get his ass gone. He threatened to go kill himself and when I asked him to just shut up, then… ::shakes her head:: It was just, bad.
I wish I could just curl up and die. Well, no, I wish he never came up here, never moved out this way, because if that was the case, he’d be happier, and I think, so would I.
He finally told me why he was so upset and why he’s been in a funk like he is.
It’s my fault.
at least partly.
You’re not responsible for his problems! You’re not responsible for his attitude! There’s a quote that explains perfectly, so I’ll post that in another note. 🙂
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Don’t rely on someone else for your happiness and self worth. Only you can be responsible for that. If you can’t love and respect yourself – no one else will be able to make that happen. Accept who you are – completely; the good and the bad – and make changes as YOU see fit – not because you think someone else wants you to be different.- Stacey Charter
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So if he’s blaming you, he’s really mad at himself. No one forced him to move. He did it because he wanted to. That was his choice. Please don’t let him do this to you. He has the power to change his situation if he’s unhappy. No one is holding him back from that but himself!
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I’m sorry things are hard for both of you. I hope something works out soon.
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