10/02/2010

 Dear all – 

I’m still alive, I’m doing… well… okay…? 

Sorry I haven’t been writing; I’ve just been feeling really out of sorts lately, and it doesn’t help that my first art/craft thingie is in two weeks.  I have two weeks to get everything together in order to sell.  And the more I work and the more I think about it, the less I think I’m going to sell and the more worried I get.  

I’ve been so wonked lately, just worried and stressed and the like.  I haven’t had the urge to write much at all… and when I do… what’s there to write about?

I’ll try to give you a 411, a quick rundown as to what’s been happening.  And I’ll try to reinsert myself back into my old patterns and old life.  

Work’s been frustrating, and it has been getting worse steadily.  I figure Kristal won’t be with us much longer; she’s due to have her baby anytime and if she’s going to be there on Monday, I’ll be surprised.  This week she’s told everyone that I’ll be handing the Slots month-end work and the like… which means I’m going to be the goto for all that… and I hate that.  Haaaate.  x.x Specially since I’m not getting the big bucks to deal with that sort of stuff.  I like being a peon, accountable only to myself and accountable only for what I do.  Blah.  

Maili and her boyfriend of 8 years split up.  He found out she’s been stepping out on him lately and tossed her to the curb.  Well, that’s not exactly what happened, but it’s close enough, I suppose.  Either way, they’re not together any longer.  And it has a little to do with the fact that there’s another person.  Well, more than a little to do with it… Whatever, that’s her issue, I suppose, but Mom had a good question… what’s she going to do when she realizes that she’s tired of her fanclub?  Thomas is moving with his parents… which is kind of sad, because I like having him around… when he’s sober.  

Things with Court are going well.  We’ve had our arguments but we’ve worked through them and the like.  I’m a walking ball of frustration and stress right now and it’s feeding off to him and putting him on edge.  I’m thinking that I need to find a way to relax… x.x Just with money issues and family issues and the like, I’m so fucking tired.

In fact, I’ve been so tired, half awake, unable to get good sleep.  ::shakes her head:: I’m just so stressed out and so I come home from work, work on my maile or read for a bit, game a little possibly, and then curl up and sleep.  I haven’t even had the heart to really be intimate with Court for over a week.  It’s just… I don’t know.  I feel as though I’m unable to really get ahold of things right now.  I had a tarot reading done for me, and I asked if I’d find my balance in the near future… I’m understanding the cards now.  No.  I’m not finding my balance.  And I don’t know if I’m going to.  

I think the biggest problem I’m having is that I’m feeling like I’m having to make all the decisions; I ask mom and Court what they want for dinner and they’d both say, "Whatever you want."  I just… ::shakes her head:: To be honest, I started falling asleep as soon as I get home so I wouldn’t have to fight with them about it.  ::stretches:: stupid, no?  But mew.  After working all day at work, I don’t want to come home and have to decide everything.

Ugh. I need to stop whining.