08/31/2011

It’s been a day.

Bad enough I called home and asked Mom to meet me at the door with a drink in one hand, and a hamster in the other.

My coworkers got a kick out of that.

I mean it though.  I want to go home, take off my shoes, sit with a drink in one hand, and a hamster running around for me to talk to and laugh at.

I’ve been in a “blah” mood lately.  It’s driving Bon nuts.  I’m trying though and I know she hates it more when I try to pretend that everything’s fine when it’s not.  No, everything’s not fine and I’m feeling really tired, and more than that, really worn down.  I’m thinking tonight’s going to be another night when I fall into bed early and pray to sleep a dreamless sleep.

Last night’s sleep wasn’t dreamless.  I dreamt and I hated dreaming.  My dreams were filled with love and longing, with friendship and trust.  I felt loved and I felt like everything was going to be okay… and then I woke up.  I hate waking up, it’s the worst part of dreaming.  Or sometimes, it’s the best part, but that doesn’t happen too often with me.

Brandon said he loves talking with me because I’m on the same level that he is.  That really made me feel good, specially since I’ve been feeling down on myself lately.  I know, I shouldn’t be, but I have been… shame on me, no?

I hate how the last few entries have been stream of consciousness work, but there’s nothing else really going on in my mind, or out of it.  Iv’e been working on maile a little, stressing about money a lot, and hating myself more.