08/09/2011

Things have been rather quiet here, it’s just internally that I’m spinning and fighting and just… yeah.

I’m still torn on moving out; I want to.  I really, really want to.  But I’m afraid that it won’t work; number one, I’m worried that money wise, we can’t afford it; and we can’t, not until Court gets a job, which he’s still doing as little as possible to get.  Number two…. what happens if I move out and end up freaking out? I mean, the chance of it is small and such, but it is there.  And if that does happen… what will I do?  It doesn’t help that I keep coming up with ideas.  Mom suggested that I move in with Maili, which is an awesome idea on the surface.  I might even enjoy it there… the only problem is the drugs.  Maybe if I ask her, she’ll keep the drug stuff in her bedroom, but I feel bad asking about something like that, it’s her house, y’know?  And it doesn’t help that my friends keep pushing; they’re doing what they know is best for me, and I love them for it, but I can’t explain why I’m so paralyzingly scared.

In other parts of the life… In order to make money, I offered to sell all my stock to Brandon, and he gave me a fair offer.  I think I’m going to wait till October though.  See what I can make for him by then.  Shit, that reminds me, I need to make Aurora’s bracelet.  I’ll start on that tonight or tomorrow.  I’ll message her and let her know that it’ll be done by the end of the week.  Iv’e been working on bags and as soon as payday comes, I’m going to buy some different cords so I can figure out what kind of cord I want to close the bags with… waxen, satin, leather, etc. etc.

I figured out what Lucifer wants in my story (see last entry) it amazes me because it was so damned simple and I couldn’t see it… Lucifer wants love.  That’s it, love.  He wants to be loved and adored by mankind and angel kind just like God is (hense the wanting to be “as God”), he wants to bask in God’s love, as well as everyone else’s.  I don’t know, I think it works, I have a page of paper at work with a bunch of scribbled ideas about this thought.

NaNoWriMo is coming quickly, and I need to get my outline finished.  Or at least really started.  I started to do a little of the outline, and a few stories from the perspective of the main character… just background stuff more than anything, fun stuff to know.

Blarg, it’s time to head out for work, but that’s pretty much all I have.  So yeah.